My Day Sucked Ass, How Was Yours?

Um...so...yeah. My day SUCKED. It started out well enough. We spent the morning at the John Deere store with our MOMs group and even got to ride a "BEEG tractor!" as Dylan would say. Then, on the way home, I stopped at the Grocery Store to pick up some items for dinner (and a bottle of wine or two) and what happens?

MY FUCKING WALLET GETS STOLEN! STOLEN!!!

Oy to the Effing Vey, it didn't get any better after that. The bizzle who had my wallet ACTUALLY CALLED* ME to tell me she had it. The cops said she was probably "fishing for information for when she opens up new credit cards" in my account. She was sweet and all "I found your wallet. I'll bring it to you later today after I pick my son up from school." (SO CONFIRM YOUR ADDRESS FOR ME).

*Edited (because my big glass of wine has kicked in and I forgot to add this before) to add that she had my phone # from my checks. She even told me that. That's why the cop said she was calling to see if my information was current.

This is how it went down:

Ring Ring
Me: Hello?
Bitch: Is this Meghan?
Me: Yes. Who's this?
Bitch: I found your wallet.
Me: OMG, really? That's awesome.
Bitch: I wanted to let you know, so you don't have to cancel all your cards and all since that's such a hassle.
Me: OMIGOSH, thanks.
Bitch: I'll bring it to you after I pick my kid up at school later today.
Me: Actually, I REALLY need my wallet, so I'll meet you RIGHT NOW to get it from you.
Bitch: Oh, well, my baby pooped and I don't have my diaper bag so I'm on my way home and can't meet you right now.
Me: Well, when CAN you meet me in the immediate future?
Bitch: Oh. Um. Well. Um. Well. Um. How about the gas station at Such and Such and Such and Such.
Me: Okay, fine. (To myself: That's not a great area and NOWHERE near the grocery store where my wallet was "found") When?
Bitch: 10 Minutes.
Me: Great. What's your name?
Bitch: What? My name? It's "Sonja"
Me: Okay Sonja, see you then.

Flash forward to 45 minutes later with Stupid Ass Believer in People Me standing in the freakin' Chevron station parking lot talking to DJ on my cell phone.

Me: She still hasn't showed up, what do I do?
DJ: She's probably at our house right now, ran-sacking it.
Me: Holy shit, I hadn't even THOUGHT of that. Damn.

Flash forward to 15 minutes later when I get home and all is well (shocking).

To spare you the rest of the sordid details, I've not heard back from "Sonja" and when I asked the Police Officer, with whom I filed my stolen wallet report, if I should be worried that someone was going to break into my house, he said "Do you have an alarm system?" Great.

All (I think) of my credit cards are cancelled and my checking account has been changed. Hopefully Sonja Bitch won't try to steal my identity, although she's got a head start what with her possession of my driver's license and Santa Barbara Zoo membership card.

Gah! And to make matters worse, I actually had CASH in my wallet, which is a TOTAL rarity for me. Son of a Bitch. People suck.

Oh, and Zach went to the Doctor today, in the middle of all this, for his 6 month well baby. He's a 17.5 lb. well baby, in case you're wondering.

Now I'm off to digest my 4,356 calorie Taco Bell dinner and pour myself ANOTHER LARGE glass of wine. Maybe things are looking up.