March 5, 2008

My Day Sucked Ass, How Was Yours?

Um...so...yeah. My day SUCKED. It started out well enough. We spent the morning at the John Deere store with our MOMs group and even got to ride a "BEEG tractor!" as Dylan would say. Then, on the way home, I stopped at the Grocery Store to pick up some items for dinner (and a bottle of wine or two) and what happens?

MY FUCKING WALLET GETS STOLEN! STOLEN!!!

Oy to the Effing Vey, it didn't get any better after that. The bizzle who had my wallet ACTUALLY CALLED* ME to tell me she had it. The cops said she was probably "fishing for information for when she opens up new credit cards" in my account. She was sweet and all "I found your wallet. I'll bring it to you later today after I pick my son up from school." (SO CONFIRM YOUR ADDRESS FOR ME).

*Edited (because my big glass of wine has kicked in and I forgot to add this before) to add that she had my phone # from my checks. She even told me that. That's why the cop said she was calling to see if my information was current.

This is how it went down:

Ring Ring
Me: Hello?
Bitch: Is this Meghan?
Me: Yes. Who's this?
Bitch: I found your wallet.
Me: OMG, really? That's awesome.
Bitch: I wanted to let you know, so you don't have to cancel all your cards and all since that's such a hassle.
Me: OMIGOSH, thanks.
Bitch: I'll bring it to you after I pick my kid up at school later today.
Me: Actually, I REALLY need my wallet, so I'll meet you RIGHT NOW to get it from you.
Bitch: Oh, well, my baby pooped and I don't have my diaper bag so I'm on my way home and can't meet you right now.
Me: Well, when CAN you meet me in the immediate future?
Bitch: Oh. Um. Well. Um. Well. Um. How about the gas station at Such and Such and Such and Such.
Me: Okay, fine. (To myself: That's not a great area and NOWHERE near the grocery store where my wallet was "found") When?
Bitch: 10 Minutes.
Me: Great. What's your name?
Bitch: What? My name? It's "Sonja"
Me: Okay Sonja, see you then.

Flash forward to 45 minutes later with Stupid Ass Believer in People Me standing in the freakin' Chevron station parking lot talking to DJ on my cell phone.

Me: She still hasn't showed up, what do I do?
DJ: She's probably at our house right now, ran-sacking it.
Me: Holy shit, I hadn't even THOUGHT of that. Damn.

Flash forward to 15 minutes later when I get home and all is well (shocking).

To spare you the rest of the sordid details, I've not heard back from "Sonja" and when I asked the Police Officer, with whom I filed my stolen wallet report, if I should be worried that someone was going to break into my house, he said "Do you have an alarm system?" Great.

All (I think) of my credit cards are cancelled and my checking account has been changed. Hopefully Sonja Bitch won't try to steal my identity, although she's got a head start what with her possession of my driver's license and Santa Barbara Zoo membership card.

Gah! And to make matters worse, I actually had CASH in my wallet, which is a TOTAL rarity for me. Son of a Bitch. People suck.

Oh, and Zach went to the Doctor today, in the middle of all this, for his 6 month well baby. He's a 17.5 lb. well baby, in case you're wondering.

Now I'm off to digest my 4,356 calorie Taco Bell dinner and pour myself ANOTHER LARGE glass of wine. Maybe things are looking up.

16 comments:

Lulu said...

Oh, just damn. That SUCKS. Can you trace the call back? *69 or whatevers? Hopefully, she was just after the quick cash and attempt to use the CC's and NOT identity theft.

At least you have a healthy baby boy. That's the good stuff.

HRH said...

OMG...I can't believe she called you and pulled the "poopy diaper" excuse...its like she KNOWS you. Bless your heart. Do you have an alarm? Or a really big dog? Actually, I dare her to break in when you are this mad...serve her right.

Tractors and a healthy baby, tractors and a healthy baby, Tractors and a healthy baby...

Angie said...

No freaking way! SHE CALLED YOU?!?!?!? I cannot believe the freaking gall!!!! I would be SO FREAKING MAD!!!! I feel for you. I would feel so VIOLATED!

Have you checked already to see if there were any purchases on your cards or anything? Starting all freaking over with credit cards and everything else would BITE IT! AAAHHH! Mean people suck!

KEEP BELIEVING (in good people)

Grandmaother said...

Sonja with a j - my Sonya would have been with a y. Your Sonja was far more exotic tha my Sonya would have been.
Either way I hate her. My grandsons were next to your wallet.
Love you.

laughingatchaos said...

Oh my GOD, no way! Contact the credit report companies and put a fraud alert on your record. Crap, that sucks!
Wine, more wine!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

What laughingatchaos said!! Call the credit agencies right now!

Call me Ms. Maxwell said...

May the gods of karma come down and spankthelivingsh*t out of Sonja. Preferably with you in viewing range. More satisfying that way.

Definitely more wine.

Quart said...

Did you try looking up "Bitch, Sonja" in the phone book? You never know.

I feel terrible because I never asked how Zach's appt. was. 17.5? What a big boy!!!

jennifer h said...

I cannot believe she called you? Why? Any internet white pages search could have confirmed an address. She's racking up bitch points by the second.

I'm with HRH...tractors and a healthy baby.

If you stay on top of this with the credit agencies, maybe the fallout will be minimal. But NOW you have to get another freaking zoo card. That bites it big. Maybe they'll catch her at the zoo. I'd call 'em.

Christy said...

That is awful. I hate people.

I would invest in the house alarm. Because if that lady has the balls to call you, she has to be pretty fearless. You don't want someone like that coming to your house.

Jennifer, Le Binky Bitch said...

Oh holy sh*t! I'm so sorry. So sorry.

Beware of alarm companies, but maybe in this case you do need one? I don't know.

Also, get a 7 year alert on your credit report. My husband's identity was stolen and it wasn't pretty, but nobody can do a thing with his info now that we have the 7 year alert.

Pink Lemonade said...

Damn... that just really sucks ... i can't even believe the bitch had the nerve to call you. That's crazy.

At least you have a healthy baby and wine!!

Crafty Mom said...

omg! That sucks! Well, you know what they say...karma is a bitch! *hugs*

beachmom said...

that just sucks ... many, many bottles of wine are necessary!

HRH said...

Are you OK in there? She didn't come back and take your computer did she?

Z said...

Just popping in to say hello - I'm back!!! :)

And that I'm sorry you had such a bad day - having a wallet stolen is bad enough, but then to have the woman actually call you?!?! WOW. Hope all is settled now...