March 31, 2008

But Is It Right For Me?

It's Monday! You know what that means!

I just saw this on TV for the first time. Oh My God...this is actually ON TV. As if it actually makes people WANT to buy it. Marketing to men is very different than marketing to women, no?

I'm just glad the old guy at the beginning didn't put his hand...down "there".

Enjoy your Monday and go visit Absolutely Bananas for more MMLM!

March 30, 2008

The Beauty of Nature (and Zach)

We went on a search for wildflowers...and we failed miserably. There are plenty along the side of the highway, but apparently as soon as you leave the freeway, the wildflowers shrivel up and die. The trip wasn't a total bust as we headed UP, UP, UP, UP, OVER, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN and DOWN the mountain. It was purdy.

Okay, so we saw a FEW wildflowers...from afar.

And because everyone deserves a good Zach fix, here you go.

Pre Dunk

Post (Unintentional) Dunk


Having a bottle...and holding it all by his-self!

For more Weekly Winners visit Sarcastic Mom!

March 27, 2008

The Aliens Have Invaded

Holy Hell, Internets. I have the worst, itchy-scratchy heebie jeebies right now. I just found this on my patio. Right. Outside. My Door. Alive.

Not the actual one outside my door. Image provided by Google. The one outside my door is MUCH more menacing looking. For Reals.

That, my friends, is a Potato Bug. Now, growing up, I knew Potato Bugs as these tiny, docile creatures:

NOT the freakish, nasty, shiver inducing, HUGE, disgusting, alien looking things that reside here in lovely California (and elsewhere? I'm too chicken shit to even look up much information on them because even LOOKING at them makes me squirm- so you're welcome for posting a photo here for you all to look at!). Anyway, the first time I ever saw one of these THINGS was actually the night I met DJ (warning sign?!). The daughter of the woman who's house we were at came screaming over to us that there was "A Potato Bug! A Potato Bug! Help! Help! Kill it! Kill it!" "Good lord" I thought "What a wussy" and then she took me over to it and from that moment on, my life has NEVER been the same. I live in constant fear of the things. They appear as if from nowhere. They're big and they look mean. And, the one on my patio just attacked Tahoe (see below) who yelped as if someone had stuck a knife in his eye. It is safely contained underneath a metal trash can lid until DJ gets home and can dispose of it properly. I would get rid of it if it were dead, but there's no way in Hell I'm going to get near one of those things alive.

And because I can't leave you with photos of that thing, here are a few more, in keeping with the alien theme.

I call this, Alien Pig:

I call this collection "Close Encounters of the Kissing Kind"

Have a good day! I hope I didn't induce any potato bug nightmares. I hope your children were not sitting on your lap when you looked at this. I hope you'll come back again!

March 26, 2008

Note To Self

Dear Self:

Next time you take a shower and leave a 3 year old unsupervised, remember to hide the Easter candy.

March 23, 2008

Easter Strip Tease

In honor of Easter. Thanks to Slow Panic for the MMLM inspiration!

For more MMLM go visit Absolutely Bananas!

*I know, I's supposed to be a "Peep Show" which is what I called it over at AB's place. BUT, just to be difficult and inappropriate, I decided to rename it here. So, at AM2B's it's a strip tease. But everywhere else, it's a Peep show. Got it? Good.

**Amended again to make it perfectly clear that I had NOTHING to do with the creation of this image. I simply copied and pasted it into this post. I'm not nearly creative enough to come up with this idea, let alone bring it to fruition. Fruition? You get my drift.

Spring Has Sprung

I was working on all these photos on Picnik and was going to post them here for all to enjoy, when I realized that if I did that, I might as well jump on the Weekly Winners bandwagon.

So, here you go! My first Weekly Winners contribution!

For more Weekly Winners visit Sarcastic Mom!

March 22, 2008

I "Know" So Many Famous People

Okay, so maybe "know" is a teeny, tiny stretch. Maybe I should have said I "know of" so many famous people.

Today for you, I have two confessions and also a double dose Tivo Alert. I know, I know. I spoil you. Truly.

So let's get started.

1) I watch the Today Show. Every day. Except Monday & Friday because I leave the house before the show even begins, but every other day, including Saturday & Sunday, I watch it. And, I like it. Are you gasping? Turning away from your computer screen in horror? Before you shake your head and erase me from your Google Reader, let me give you a few "excepts":

  • I can't stand Ann Curry
  • Meredith Viera bugs me sometimes too. Not as much as from her "The View" days. But that's another story all together and I'll share that with you at another time.

A few reasons I like what I see:

  • Tiki Barber

Okay, that's just ONE reason, but it's enough. And MORE than makes up for the uber-annoying Ann Curry and mildly-annoying Meredith Veira. Oh, and I like Giada DeLaurentis. And Natalie Moralis. And Lester Holt and David Gregory and Amy Roebuck.

And, the reason I know of famous people and am talking about The Today Show- Stefanie from Baby on Bored is going to be on the show this Tuesday! She's been battling some major Post Partum Depression lately, following the early birth of her twins, but somehow still finds a way to be funny (she is a stand up comedian after all) and to promote her new book "Nap Time Is The New Happy Hour." So yay for Stefanie!

2) I am obsessed like to watch the Food Network.

Like, ALL the damn time. Serisously. ALL. THE. TIME. Right now, even. Giada's on (see above). I particulary like the regular joe, joe schmoe* shows. Like Food 911, Rescue Chef, Throwdown With Bobby Flay, or when they do the chef profiles. I watched them all. Did you know that Giada had a brother who died? Or that Sandra Lee is ridiculously rich** because she created all these crazy decorating things when she was younger? Or that her parents abandoned her and she was raised by her Grandmother but then had to raise her siblings herself so that's where she got all her Semi-Homemade cooking ideas from? You'd know that if you'd watched the chef profile shows. You would. Really. You would.

Which brings me to another famous person I know of, Amalah, who in real life is known as Amy Storch. Did you know that? Did'ja? Did'ja?

Anyway, she and her husband were duped into being judges on Mother Fucking Throwdown with Bobby Flay***! I KNOW!!!! How awesome is that? Her husband, Jason, created and edits a food blog, aptly named DC Foodies.****

*Did any of you watch (a few years ago now) The Joe Schmo Show on Spike TV? It was a "reality show" that was completely staged except for this one guy who thought it was totally real. It was AWESOME. If you ever see it, watch it. You won't be disappointed. I promise.
**This claim is unsubstantiated. The profile of Sandra Lee in no way said she was ridiculously rich, but it was inferred.
***This is not the ACTUAL title of the show. In reality, it's called "Throwdown with Bobby Flay" but in this instance, Mother Fucking Throwdown with Bobby Flay works so much better.
****I could TOTALLY start my own blog, called Santa Maria Foodies, but I've actually seen lists where the top rated restaurants in my town were Applebee's, Marie Callendr's and Olive Garden, to name a few. Sad, isn't it?

March 20, 2008

Prostitues? Is It Really THAT Bad?

I mean really. She's a cute girl. Clean. Expensive. Aren't expensive call girls WAY more classy than picking up a $5.00 hooker on the street, ala Hugh Grant?

Just kidding. I haven't weighed in on this whole subject because I can't really come up with anything to say, expect WTF? What could he POSSIBLY have been thinking?

As usual, though, Stephen Colbert made me laugh. Thought you might enjoy this too. My favorite part is when he asks Spitzer "What if Obama went to prostitutes?" and when he says he's the "meat in a Spitzer sandwich."

Now THAT's funny.

Babysit? April 4th? Pretty Please?

George Clooney & John Krasinski in a movie TOGETHER! Remember? They're BOTH on my "List".

Thoughts on Preschool or The Voices In Mah Head

A word of warning. I highly recommend that you pop a few tylenol or excedrin or maybe even some valium before reading this. Don't say I didn't warn you.

So, here we go.

It has become increasingly obvious that I need to get off my ass and figure out what the hell I'm going to do about the whole preschool sitch-e-a-shun for Dylan. My thought is that I'd like to get him into something for the fall season. Hopefully I don't run into too many waiting lists.

And so it begins. Below are the thoughts running through my head on a fairly constant basis.

Preschool? Preschool? Holy shit, he's ready for preschool. But what KIND of preschool? Do I put him in one that's held in somebody's house or do I put him in one that's a little more like real school? Or do I put him in a Montessori, which is IN FACT a real school. And having said that, do I put him in one up here where we live or in Santa Barbara where we spend a lot of time. If I put him in school up here I need to be HERE while he's THERE so I'm not an hour away should any injury or bomb threat occur, which means I can't go to SB on those days, which means I'd have to rule out Fridays because that's payday and is definitely a day I HAVE to be in SB. So, I could do MWF mornings in SB, but that would mean I'd have to be in SB 3 days a week, instead of the usual 2, which isn't really a huge deal, but SB days are rough on little baby Zach who doesn't sleep well and, truth be told, I don't really want to force him (or me for that matter) to be out of our comfort zone, aka our house, more than I need to. I'm a stay at HOME mom for a reason, no? I could, I suppose, put Dylan in ALL DAY school on Wednesdays, and DJ could drop him off and pick him up which would give Zach and I the opportunity to stay home on Wednesdays by ourselves and have some alone time together, which would be really nice. We've never really had that opportunity. Or, I could change things up all together and put him in school up here on Tuesdays/Thursdays. That, however, would force us out of Dylan's playgroup, which, let's face it, is more about me hanging out with my MOMs Club lady friend's. That wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Or would it? Also, if he were in school on Tuesday/Thursday and we're in SB on Monday/Friday, he'd only have 1 day at home during the week, which doesn't really give me the warm fuzzies. He'll only be 3 1/2 or 4 for crying out loud, which is still pretty little and I'M not really ready to be "rid" of him. I like having him around.

Which brings me back to what KIND of school to put him in. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the idea of Montessori. Play learning? How awesome is that? That, to me, is right up Dylan's alley as he's a smart little bugger who learns most things from doing puzzles and such and has never really been the kind of kid you can DIRECT. He marches to his own beat and does not like being told what to do or how to do it. That's why I think Montessori would be good for him. He'd be the one "in charge" of his learning, with help from the teachers. BUT, maybe being in a structured environment would really HELP him and teach him how to conform? That word makes me cringe. That's not what I want. Is it really conforming? I'm not sure that's right, but that's what it makes me think of. He'll sit and concentrate on building a house with Lincoln Logs or putting together a puzzle and when complete, will jump up, arms raised in celebration and will yell "What we do next?" and will shortly be off to the next activity. I can't picture him following a schedule that has him sitting patiently in a circle while someone reads a book or sitting in a seat while a teacher talks at him. Not, at least, at this stage in life. But I also can't picture him spending his entire elementary education at a Montessori. Or maybe I can. GAK! BLAK! ARRGHH!! AHHH!!!!!

Maybe I need the valium.

March 18, 2008

Contests, Contests, Contests & Why I Hate My Feet

My dear, lovely friend Z at Autobiography of my Feet challenged me. Well, not me specifically. She created a contest for her readers about their feet. Why they love them, or in my case, why they hate them. She's having (or, at this point, has had) surgery on her foot today. It's happened before. This is nothing new to her, yet she still likes her feet. Even after all the trouble they've caused her.

Me? I hate feet. If you know me, you know this about me. I don't like my feet, I don't like other people's feet. The only feet I've ever LIKED are my children's. In fact, I LOVE their feet. Especially when they're baby feet. Tiny, sweet, never touched dirt, never been infected with some nasty fungus, baby feet. I can still tolerate Dylan's feet because they're still little. His toes are weird and his toenails grown down, into his toes, instead of out, but all in all, I still like his feet. Yet, I'm sure, a few years from now, the time will come when even his feet will gross me out.

Zach's feet, of course, are still tiny and adorable and perfect. He thinks it's funny when I pretend to bite them and they're very ticklish. He finds his own feet endlessly entertaining, which is another reason I like them because they give me the occasional opportunity to put him down without him even realizing I'm gone. Dylan's feet are useful to have around as well, since they're the tools he uses to entertain himself for HOURS in the backyard riding his bike. He's a stellar bike rider, and this would not be possible without his funny Fred Flintstone feet.

My feet you ask? They're funny shaped and I have arthritis in my left big toe. It hurts and has seriously inhibited my high heel wearing ability. It's stupid.

So, that's my pathetic story about feet. I couldn't NOT join in on Z's contest as that would make me a sorry excuse for an internet friend, but if she'd asked for reasons we like or hate wine or President Bush, I could have written a MUCH more interesting post. Those are things I'm passionate in my loving/hating (in that order).

On another contest note, I WON something! The beautiful Lulu of Lulu's Laundry Blog had a contest about Outback for a $25.00 Outback gift card. And I WON! ME?! How awesome is that? Wallaby Darned's look out, I'm on my way!

Now I'm off to mother. Zach woke up with hives this morning, and although they've since cleared up, his crummy mood has not. It's pathetic. Oh look, he's playing with his feet.

March 17, 2008

Nothin's Cuter

It's know what that means! It's time to laugh!

Or, at the very least, smile. Which is exactly what I expect this video to cause...a smiling epidemic.

Here's the deal. It's a cute baby (adorable, some say, and I'm not AT ALL biased) giggling. I'm sorry, but if this doesn't make you smile, you are a cold-hearted SOB. That's all there is to it. Oh, and it's like 3 minutes long, so feel free to watch a short segment, get your cute baby giggling fix for the day and be on your merry little way. I won't fault you for not watching the entire thing.

Giggling Baby from AMomTwoBoys on Vimeo.

(If the video doesn't load, just click on the title and it will take you directly to it. Stupid Blogger. Not you. The program. You're smart. And Pretty. And Funny!)

For more Make Me Laugh Monday, go visit Absolutely Bananas.

March 16, 2008

Serious Concerns

My son...he has them.

How many nasty-ass, rotten cups of milk do you think he's taken a sip from that he's finally learned to ASK me before he takes a sip from any cup?

"Is it old?" is a common question in our house. Or "Can I drink this?"

Poor kid. I think I need to insitute a One Cup a Day rule in our house. He gets one cup, which will be refilled throughout the day at his request, and at the end of each day, we collect the cup and put it in the sink.

No more finding a cup in some forsaken place and wondering just how long it's been lying there, fermenting. D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G. Especially given the fact that Zach will be crawling soon and, given his love for inserting anything and everything promptly into his mouth, will find himself sucking on quite a few cups of rotten milk.

Do any of you have trouble (or have had trouble) keeping track of all these damn cups? Is it just me?

P.S. Once again, the CPS rule stands. If you feel the need to call Child Protective Services on me, please give the a heads up so I can be prepared for them. OK? Thanks?

My Dylan's Party!

It Came! It Went! It DID NOT rain! Yay!

It was actually quite a beautiful day. A little cool and windy, with one passing, short lived, light shower, but the skies were mostly blue and it was warm enough that Dylan spent most of the day in shorts and a t-shirt. Who could ask for more?

March 14, 2008

Three Years Ago

Three Years Ago...

My life changed forever.

In ways I could have never imagined.

For better, and sometimes for worse.

Better because the most awesome, adorable, goofy little boy came into my life.

Worse because there were suddenly untold, terrifying, horrible tragedies lurking around every corner. And there was a lot of poop. A LOT. And there still is, come to think of it.

But mostly better. Mostly unbelievably, inexplicably, amazingly better.

This little being was born, three years ago today at 9:28am weighing in at 6lbs. 7oz. and measuring 18 3/4 inches long.

Today, three years later, he's 37ish pounds and 38ish inches tall. He talks, sings, pees on the potty, yells at me, argues, explains, laughs, cries, plays, pouts, watches T.V., does puzzles with amazing ability (and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother), eats cheese and yogurt like there's no tomorrow and entertains us endlessly. He also frustrates us endlessly, but that's another story for another time. Today we're celebrating him. Today, he's nothing but sunshine and rainbows.

Until, of course, he pitches a fit about not being allowed to have MORE cheese or yogurt and goes back to being endlessly frustrating. Then, the sunshine and rainbows fade and it's time outs-ville.

Happy Birthday, Dylan!

We Love You!

March 13, 2008

Some People Are SO Stupid

I really don't know how some people make it through life. I heard about this woman yesterday, who is apparently very beautiful and college educated, but you wouldn't know it by her day to day actions. Supposedly, she put a pitcher under the water dispenser in her fridge door (to make some lovely Lipton Cold Brew Iced Tea, which, according to the STORY I heard is her favorite*) and promptly FORGOT about it. Shortly thereafter, she had a HUGE puddle of weak iced tea all over her newly laid tile floor. Apparently she forgot about the pitcher for so long that it took two bath towels to mop up the water AND she had to pull out her fridge to dry up the water that had seeped underneath it.

GAWD, some people are such morons. I even think I heard that she has, at one time or another, forgotten to turn her Crock Pot ON and OFF. I'm so glad I'm NOTHING like her.

*From what I heard, Iced Tea is her beverage of choice (during the daytime hours, of course) and Cold Brew perfectly supports her lazy ass because all she has to do is fill a pitcher, add some tea bags and VOILA! 10 minutes later she's got iced tea. Of course, it's not necessarily time/energy saving when she forgets to remove the pitcher before it overflows. Then, it takes a lot of extra time and effort to clean up. But, I'm sure that only happens once a week doesn't happen all that often.

March 11, 2008

I Packed A Picnik For Us & I Brought Wine

I didn't really bring wine. But I got your attention didn't I?
If you're not already on the Picnik bandwagon, you should be.

Spurred on by the gentle prodding and good words of Oh Mommy and Tootsie Farklepants I finally gave it a try.

Here are a few of my experiments, using the ever adorable and smiley Zach. I think I need to get him an agent.








Picnik'd go. Go. Now. What are you waiting for? I TOLD you Tootsie Farklepants recommended it, you know you wanna try it.

Back to "Normal"

I'm moving on. I'm done with the whole wallet thing. Sonja's probably done did spend all my money by now, my cards are all cancelled and I'm on "credit watch" with the credit reporting agencies. BTW, apparently I have EXCELLENT credit. I think that's most likely attributed to the fact that I have A LOT of it, by way of monies I owe other people, but apparently that's not how it works. Whatever the reason, hopefully it will stay that way. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

That saga of the floors, however, continues. Gil, my supah excellent tile guy, is back this week finishing up where we left off a few weeks ago. Save for the grouting to be done tomorrow, we are done with the freakin' floors. Can I get a "Whoop Whoop"? Thanks.

Here's what they look like now. Please be kind and tell me that it looks FABULOUS and you would NEVER guess we didn't MEAN for it to look that fucked up awesome.
Oh, and he's also finishing up the backsplash, which has been 2/3 of the way tiled and 0/3 of the way grouted for the past 1 1/2 years. Don't ask. This is what it looks like after his efforts yesterday. Again, still needsd to be grouted, but it will get done TOMORROW, not in 2009. So, yay!

And those are copper tiles. The toe kicks are copper as well. It helps having a hubby who is a sheet metal guy, as we have all sorts of copper accents all over the inside & outside of our house. Maybe someday soon I'll take you for a copper tour of the G-Wine Posse's Hood. But only if you're lucky.

Dylan went to the Doctor today for his 3 year old check up. Holy shit. He's three. On Friday. T.H.R.E.E. I need a drink.

Anyway, he's just dandy and was the most well behaved, cooperative kid when the nurse and Doctor were checking him out. It was like some other being inhabited his body throughout the check up. And then, my dumb ass asks about this little wart-y looking thing on his chest. It's been hanging around for a few months now and doesn't seem to bother him, but I don't like looking at it. I want to pop it everytime I lay eyes on it. To make a long story short, the Doc decided it should be removed. So he scraped it off. You can imagine how well that went over. But, Dylan is now wart-y thing less and the promise of a popsicle when we got home perked him right up. As we were leaving the office he even said "That was fun!"

Here he is with his bandaid and his popsicle. Outside enjoying the 76 degree day.

Now, about that 76 degree day. It's been GORGEOUS here for the past 5 or 6 days. And when I say gorgeous, I mean that we've had that weather that makes EVERYTHING look pretty and fresh and you feel like all's right with the world, even though someone just stole your wallet and is probably at Costco having a $1.50 hot dog and a soda on your dime. It's been like that. Of course, it's still supposed to cold, cloudy, windy & possibly even rainy for the big party on Saturday. Son. Of. A. Bitch. As if the universe hasn't shit on me enough this past week, it's going to give me un-fun party weather. Bastard.

If you've noticed (or not because your first thought every day isn't "Oh My, AMomTwoBoys hasn't commented on my blog recently") I haven't really been commenting on blogs lately. Partly due to all the OTHER stuff I've been having to take care of and partly because I figured I'd try out this whole "Google Reader" thing. People, let me tell you, it's NOT working out for me. In theory, it's great. I love that I can take a quick peek and see who's got a new post up, but I find that once I'm done reading the post I don't bother to click over to their ACTUAL blog to leave a comment. I suppose that's pure laziness on my part, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. So, in case you're interested, I'm thinking about forgoing my Reader and going back to the old way of doing things. I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that. You're welcome.

And since several others of you have recently shared with us what google search results have directed people to your blogs, I shall share with you a few of mine:

Somewhere, US: fresh mom boy videos (?)
Palm Harbor, Florida: Moms & Boy Lovers (Sicko-get off the internet and see below)
Seattle, Washington: How to Institutionalize Myself (good luck with that)
My personal favorite, from our friends down under, in Australia:
I love pizza and want to eat it and rub it all over my body (Me too)

I'll leave you with that. Have a nice day.