November 30, 2007

Friday's Recipe: 11/30/07

Fresh Vegetable Penne I admittedly haven't made this. But, it sounds yummy and if I thought there was even a CHANCE that I could get DJ to eat it, I'd make it in a heartbeat. So, I make you all my taste testers.

Tip: Buy already peeled & cubed squash to make it super easy.

1 (2-pound) butternut squash, peeled and cut into 1 1/2-inch cubes

Vegetable cooking spray

1 tablespoon olive oil, divided

3/4 teaspoon salt, divided

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, divided

1 cup chopped leek (about 1 medium)

1/2 teaspoon minced fresh garlic

1 1/2 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1/2 cup fat-free half-and-half

16 ounces uncooked penne pasta

1/2 cup frozen baby sweet peas

1 tablespoon chopped fresh sage leaves

1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper

1/4 cup shredded Italian three-cheese blend

Garnish: fresh sage leaves


Place squash cubes on a large aluminum foil-lined jelly-roll pan coated with cooking spray. Drizzle squash with 1 teaspoon oil, and sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon black pepper. Toss to coat.

Bake at 425° for 25 to 30 minutes or until squash is tender and golden, stirring occasionally.

Heat remaining 2 teaspoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat; add leek, and sauté 5 minutes or until tender and lightly browned. Add garlic, and sauté 1 minute. Remove from heat, and set aside.

Process butternut squash, vegetable broth, and half-and-half in a food processor until smooth.

Cook pasta according to package directions, omitting salt and oil. Add peas to boiling water during last 2 minutes of cooking time; drain. Return pasta and peas to pan. Stir in leek mixture, remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt, remaining 1/4 teaspoon black pepper, 1 tablespoon chopped sage, and crushed red pepper. Add processed squash mixture, tossing to coat. Sprinkle with Italian three-cheese blend. Garnish, if desired, and serve immediately.

Yield: Makes 6 servings

Nutritional Information:
CALORIES 386(11% from fat); FAT 4.8g (sat 1.3g,mono 1.7g,poly 0.3g); PROTEIN 14g; CHOLESTEROL 3.3mg; CALCIUM 132mg; SODIUM 1149mg; FIBER 6.1g; IRON 3.6mg; CARBOHYDRATE 73g

Ellen Wade, Roanoke, Virginia ,

Southern Living, APRIL 2005

November 29, 2007

A Few Quick Follow Ups

1) You may have noticed in my last post that there was some "colorful" language. Following this post, you probably weren't expecting it. Well, guess what I realized people?! Dylan's 2- HE CAN'T READ, so I can type all the swear words I want! Fuckin A I Can!

2) I've had several REALLY important posts about my current, inexplicable obsession with October Road. I missed the second episode of the second season and was pretty distraught (okay, I might be exaggerating a bit). But, I am sure that you will all be happy to know that ABC has full length episodes available on their website. And, they're FREE!

3) Re: my trial run with the Eco-Friendly diapers available at Target. My feelings can be summed up in one word: EH?! They're okay. Just okay. They're certainly comparable to the name brands by way of absorption. In fact, Zach's "explosions" were somewhat milder w/the eco-friendly brand. BUT, and there is a but, they're not as cozy. And when it comes to something that is going to surround my baby's tushie and special parts on a 24/7 basis, it needs to be pretty damn cozy. Also, there's not stretch to the tabs so they cut into his chubby little thighs. So, I'd buy them again, but I prefer the softer, cuddlier earth ruining diapers. I'll just start being WAY better about recycling.

4) I'm sick of hearing about politics and we're only at the VERY beginning of the craziness. I'm curious about how you all feel. SO, I've posted a poll to the right (over there --->). Let me know who you'd vote for given ONLY these 6 choices.

A Christmas Story

The original title for this post was going to be "Karma can really be a Bitch Sometimes," but, since it's a post about Christmas I thought I might try to actually IMPROVE my Karma and not call it a Bitch, especially since it is in regards to Christmas...who would be foolish enough to willfully challenge their Christmas Karma? NOT ME, NO SIREE.

So, it goes something like this...

Remember that other post, the one the other day where at the very end I was all "Take that neighbors...I beat you to putting up Christmas lights since I just left mine up from last year. Ha Ha, you guys all suck, I'm the Queen of All Things Christmas, I didn't even have to lift a finger except to plug in the extension cord. I'm the best, blah, blah, blah, blah". Well...1/2 of the freakin lights didn't even work. And not just one of the two strings. NO, that would have been TOO easy. 1/2 of the lights on EACH of the strings didn't work. SO, both strings had to be replaced. Sucks, right? my infinite wisdom, I figured I'd just hang the new lights on the gutter clips that were existing from last year. Then, when THIS Christmas is over, I could just take down ALL the lights in one fell swoop. Um...yeah. Not so much. The damn gutter clips were so brittle from being outside all year that they all just broke immediately upon being touched. SO, my original plan didn't work and I had to take all the old lights down and THEN hang the new ones.

It was also ridiculously warm out today while I was hanging (or re-hanging) lights. Nothing puts me in the Christmas spirit like 70 degree weather and sweating while putting out decorations. And I'm sure there are some of you out there who are thinkging "Oh, Gosh...POOR BABY, it's WARM while she puts up Christmas lights. It's like, 17 degrees outside MY house right now, and I'm supposed to feel bad for her little ass sitting out there in California being too WARM." Well, to that I say SUCK IT. You know why? It's CHRISTMAS, people. CHRISTMAS. It's supposed to be cold and snowy and I'm supposed to be in flannel pajamas, wrapped in a blanket and drinking hot chocolate (with Peppermint Schnapps, of course). There's even a famous song AND a movie, sung by and starring a famous person, ABOUT having a cold, snowy Christmas. It's called "White Christmas" and its Bing Crosby. If Bing Crosby says so, then CLEARLY, IT'S SUPPOSED TO SNOW AT CHRISTMAS. Not be 70 and sunny.

Moving on...I also made a big switch this year. I put up COLORED lights. Ever since I can remember, I've been opposed to colored lights. I'm not sure why, because I like them on other people's houses, I just never wanted them on MINE. MY house would always have WHITE lights. WHITE lights are classy and pretty. Colored lights are for frat houses and pizza joints. Just kidding, but for some reason I never wanted colored lights. Now, everytime Dylan sees a house with colored lights he gets REALLY excited. He likes the houses with white lights, but he responds much better to houses with colored lights. Of course, our house has to KICK all the other houses ASSES, so it MUST have lights that will make a 2 year old shriek with glee. Now, it does.

I think I'll probably stick with white lights on the tree, though. I can only do so much people. It's like my dislike of fake Christmas trees. I'm not opposed to them in principle. I just think that there's nothing like a REAL tree. The look, the smell, the imperfection of it. That's Christmas to me. This belief is fairly strong and has actually led to my FORBIDDING my mother from buying a fake tree. Because BY GOD, my children will NEVER wake up Christmas morning in a house with a FAKE CHRISTMAS TREE. (Side Note: I sound like I'm a lot of fun to be around on Christmas, don't I?!)

Which brings me back to the time that my StepDad (who did not have that "official" title at the time) brought a Christmas tree to our house as a surprise. Bless his heart, he thought he was doing this really nice thing that would bring lots of Christmas Cheer to us. Well...needless to say, I was REALLY upset that I hadn't been able to go and pick out the tree myself. How old was I, you ask? You're thinking I must have been 9, 10 maybe? NO-I was almost 18. I think I broke his heart that night. OMG, I was so UPSET and NOT at all as appreciative as I should have been. But, for reasons I won't go into right now, that was a rough Christmas and picking out the tree would have been one thing to give it SOME sense of normalcy.*

So, back to my Christmas lights outside. I bought this little set of cheap, dopey plastic Snowflake lights. I don't know what posessed me to buy them, except that I think Dylan will appreciate them. Anyway, the box says something like "Amazing display will be the envy of your neighborhood". Well, people, if these things are the envy of your neighborhood, you need to move. Or, at the very least, get some new neighbors.

I'll get some pictures this weekend after I finish stage 2- deadheading my Hydrangeas out front and putting more (colored) lights on them. I'm afraid if I don't remove the dead blooms first, they'll ignite when the intense heat of the lights hits them. It's only supposed to be 60 out, so I might even have to wear a sweatshirt!

*Um...we're probably thinking the same thing- the original title of this post should have been:
"I can really be a Bitch Sometimes" :0)

Dylan wants a grilled cheese sandwich, so I'm off to mom duty. More to come later. I'm sure you'll be waiting with baited breath.

November 28, 2007

IMPORTANT Correction-

Did I say I spent 7 hours watching October Road reruns..that was a, um, typo.

I ACTUALLY spent my weekend reading to blind children & bottle feeding motherless puppies.

Whew...I'm glad I got that cleared up. How embarassing would it be if people thought I spent my ENTIRE weekend watching a cheesy primetime "drama".

Blind children, people. And motherless puppies. THAT's what I spend my free time doing.

Being Punished by the Universe

OMG...I'm going to scream. I spent this ENTIRE weekend getting caught up on October Road. SEVEN (7) hours of my time were spent sitting on my couch watching the ENTIRE first season and episode 1 of this season and do you know what?! The damn second episode didn't tape on Monday night! It's DVR has failed me.

Now I'm off to search the internet for recaps of the show.

THEN, I'll clean. I promise.

I Need a Vibrater..

NO...not THAT kind. I need for someone to invent something that can attach to a Co-Sleeper and vibrate it for me. So that I don't have to lie next to it, with my foot on the edge, and shake it. WHY, you ask, would I need to this?

Because, Zach HAS to be moving to fall asleep. That's why the swing is so popular in our house. That's why, when we're at "work" I contort into awful positions so that I can use my leg to "bounce" his seat, which is behind me while I sit at the desk. That's why, when we're at GP & Poppy's house I spend an inordinate amount of time in the Glider, or, as was necessary yesterday, I sat on the couch and jiggled his (regular) Boppy until he fell into a sound slumber. That's why, a la Britney, I run red lights when we're in the car*. Because if we stop, he'll wake up and fuss.

I'm sure this is all my fault. I'm sure that when he was a newborn, I discovered that movement lulled him into precious sleep and I totally exploited it. Hell, I would have done ANYTHING to get him to sleep while Dylan was napping, simply so that I could nap too. Now, I'm paying for it. I'm being punished by the universe for exploiting my son's weaknesses. He could't resist the Newborn Lounger, so I used it, shamelessly, for a good night's sleep. He couldn't resist the constant, back and forth movement of the "Magic" swing, so I used it, again shamelessly, to get a few good minutes of daytime shuteye myself.

Last night, I paid. I paid big time. I made the decision to start "making" him sleep flat on his back. (I make it sound like it's some sort of baby torture) No more Newborn Lounger at night. SO, do you know what happened? I ended up being awake half the night jiggling my foot against his co-sleeper in an effort to get him to fall asleep, and more importantly, STAY asleep. OMG, it seemed like I jiggled FOR HOURS. It probably wasn't, but it seemed like it. And from the state of my brain today, it certainly had some sort of effect.

SO, if any of you know of any vibrating thingy-majiggy that will allow me to sleep tonight instead of being a personal vibrater (that sounds really bad, doesn't it?!), I'd love it if you would let me know. ASAP. My sanity would appreciate it.

*I do not actually run red lights. At least on purpose. Although, my brain is so fried right now that I think I will spend today as a shut-in so as to avoid causing any traffic accidents or being cited for any traffic violations.

November 26, 2007

One more thing...

Does "Bite Me" count as swearing? Hmmm...that would severely limit my vocabulary.

AHHH....deep breath

Okay...I did it. For some f'ing reason, that was the hardest post ever. I don't know exactly WHY, but it took me, like, 3 hours and 3 glasses of Iced tea (could that have been the problem?!) to get that damn (DOH!) DARN thing up and running. Now, I need a glass of wine. A BIG ONE.

Effing, Mutha Effing, Son of a B*$%@ Blog

The irony of this here post is lost to all (ha, two) of you readers. BUT, if and when I EVER manage to get some videos uploaded to the F*$@ing internet, you will understand.

There, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Sorry mom. :0)

Kids Say the Damndest Things..., I have a potty mouth. It's my one vice (well, that and wine). I say bad words ALL the time. I've never smoked a cigarette, I didn't drink until I turned 21, I've never pillaged or murdered anyone. But, I say bad words. I think I'm going to have to stop. Oh MY LORD, I have to stop swearing! What the fudge am I going to do? See?! That sounds fudging stupid! What the freckles am I going to do? Oh Sugar. You should HEAR the thoughts running through my head right now. When I yell at my husband (which happens VERY RARELY*), it's not going to have the same effect. Oh, and the dog? "Dag-Nammit Tahoe!" just doesn't sound as threatening. I'm not sure though, what he hears, being a dog and all.

It's like this old FarSide cartoon:

Ha! I love Gary Larson.

This is the one that I think about everytime an animal runs in front of my car:

But, I digress.

I knew once I had kids that the day would come where they would start repeating what I say, like it or not. A few times, Dylan has immediately repeated something he's heard. Like:

Mommy drops a plate: "Oh, Shit!"
Dylan: "Oh, Sit"

Mommy breaks a nail: "CRAP!"
Dylan: "CWAP" (a la "Reba"...I miss that show)

But last night, after spending the entire long weekend outside w/Daddy (who is also known to drop a few (or a thousand-& I am NOT, I repeat NOT blaming him entirely) "F" Bombs every now and then we heard this (Mom: Turn your computer volume UP NOW):

Oh My God...did he just say that? He was watching DJ play "Chess Titans" on the computer (another exciting night at our house). One of DJ's guys got captured and out of the blue, without hearing it from one of us, he says it. "Oh Fudk". Instead of reprimanding him I immediately grabbed the camera to try to get it on film. Is that bad parenting? Well, of course as soon as I started recording he said it, AGAIN. Then he started to tell DJ HOW to play Chess Titans, which was funny, so I kept recording. Let me know if you'd like for me to translate for you. I know it's dark & hard to see, but you're listenting people, LISTENING.

Oy...Son of A Gun (?)...I'm going to TRY to stop swearing. I say TRY because I know it won't happen completely, but I'll do my best.

On another topic, he went outside today to play with Tahoe and when I looked out there he was using his shovel to pick up dog poop. Of course, I had to video that too. He's full of funny things to say now- in complete sentences. At least he calls it Tahoe Poop instead of Tahoe Shit, er Shpoop, right? That will happen soon enough, I'm sure.

Since I haven't written anything about Zach yet...he LAUGHED last night. LAUGHED! It was so cute and adorable and all the gushy things that my older child saying "fudk" is not. It kind of started out sounding like he was trying to poop, but it turned into a laugh. Pretty appropriate given that his smiles start out as frowns. My kids are weird. I'll try to get it on video so you all can enjoy that too.

Oh, and I'm trying out Target's new brand of eco-friendly diapers. Only on Zach, though b/c I'm pretty sure we'd have a huge disaster if I tried them on Dylan, and as I noted here and here, disasters w/Zach are a common occurance and are MUCH smaller and LESS smelly than a Dylan Disaster would be. I'll let you all know what I think...I'm sure you'll be checking back frequently to find out. But, so far so good...they're cheaper than the other ones we've been using-$10 for 40 as opposed to $10 for 30. Diapers are flocking expensive. No, that doesn't work either.

*Oh yeah--I lie too, apparently. Just add that to my list of vices:

1) Wine

2) Lying

3) Swearing (It's been downgraded to 3 & if you need to know why, re-read this post you knucklehead)

P.S.- I totally changed my post times around so that it would all kind of make sense, but I think it might just be more confusing...whatever. I'm leaving it alone now. PUT THE COMPUTER DOWN...

November 25, 2007

I Hate You Boppy...


I am full of conflicting emotions right now. Some of you may know of my larger than life love for my Boppy Newborn Lounger (oh, and my children). Or, really, Zach's Boppy Newborn Lounger. He's three months old, almost 15 pounds and still spends EVERY night in it. I'm terrified of the first night he has to sleep (gasp!) completely flat on his back w/out the comfy softness of that damn pillow beneath him. It's going to be a nightmare. That pillow has been a lifesaver and I vow to give it to every woman I know who has a baby (or THREE, yeah Hope! Sorry to spoil the surprise. They'll arrive on your doorstep soon, hopefully without an impending recall). They NEED this pillow, and they don't even know it.

That's why I LOVE Boppy. This is why I HATE them right now.

Are you freaking kidding me? Them too? You expect it from cheap (or not so much...just ask my wallet how quickly Thomas stuff adds up) toys and crappy jewelry made in China. But not Boppy. It's a pillow for Krist-sake. I've posted about it before, but this renews my frustration. What is safe? Seriously- a freaking pillow cover contains too much lead?! It seems like EVERYTHING poses some potential hazard to us and our children. It's made worse by the fact that we're all (in our own right) complete morons at one time or another.

I came across this blog today and it cracked me up. I intend to be the new poster child for Mother F.U.C.K.E.R. Mostly because I think it's an awesome idea, but also because you all know about my love for the "Eff word." And, she makes me laugh (and cry a little too). Be sure to read this one as well.

So, note to self: Do not let small child suck on zippers, or eat IPhones. Although, I kinda learned the whole cell phone thing when Dylan was a baby and drooled into my phone and killed it. Uh, yeah. Moron. Right.

BTW, both boys are sound asleep in their own beds right now. Dylan fell asleep watching "Bob Bob Pants" in an effort to avoid the deadly drill his dad is using, and Zach fell asleep IN HIS REAL CRIB while watching his "Magic" mobile. Gives me just enough time to finish watching the "October Road" marathon. Gotta love the things I do with my free time. Dishes & laundry be damned. I'm going to "blog" and watch SoapNet.

November 24, 2007

When You Have Nothing Interesting to Say...

Write a blog entry. So, this may not be the most interesting post I ever write, but I promise it will have some adorable pictures. Yee-Haw.

A word of the end of this post there will be an update to the "Shpoop" post from earlier in the week. That update will include a photo, so if you've got the sensitive sensibilities I talked about earlier, maybe, don't look at it. You've officially been warned.

You've also probably noticed I've been playing around with lots of cute nicknames for the men in my life. I'm doing away with that. It's stupid. I feel like a dork when I type them and you all know them by their real names, so that's what they're going to go by from now on. Some of the other blogs that I read use cute little nicknames and it's adorable and makes perfect sense. Somehow, I don't feel like I can pull it off as well as they do. Anyway, Grandma Pam will most likely remain GP simply because I'm lazy & don't want to type the whole thing out as often as I'm probably going to include her in a post (that's how much time we spend with her).

Okay, on to the less than interesting stuff occupying my mind today:

1) Dylan developed this weird rash following Thanksgiving dinner. I think it was just hives, but since none of us have ever had hives (at least since we bought our house and DJ had his FREAK OUT moment, or month, whatever) we weren't entirely sure. Plus, when it's something on your kid, you're sure it's some sort of horrible disease. Like Typhoid Fever (thanks, Private Practice) or Lyme Disease or Measles. I show you the remnants of them here:

P.S.- Not, I repeat NOT the adorable pictures I promised. Those are next:

2) I was looking through pictures the other day, trying to compare how similar, or dissimilar, Zach & Dylan are to each other. I present some of them to you decide.

Dylan on the Left

Zach on the Right

YES, they're even in the same outfit. I know, I know, I have WAY too much free time on my hands.

Now, PLEASE take the poll at the top left of the page.

3) My Turkey from yesterday turned out DE-Lish. Well, after it went back into the oven for another 30 minutes. There's nothing like trying to carve a RAW turkey. Not raw, exactly, but definitely not cooked through. If it had been a steak it would have been PERFECT!

Before & After

4) For the one you've all been waiting for...the Shpoop. To be fair, this one occurred right as he was waking up from a SUPER LONG nap, like five hours, so his diaper was full of the other stuff. There was really nowhere for it to go. Except Out:


Sometimes, a bath is the only thing that's going to make any difference. The "magic" swing pad is in the wash as well. :0)

November 23, 2007

Dia de los Turkeys

Thanksgiving is officially over, although in our house, it has just begun. I just put a 22lb Turkey in the oven so that Big D can get his leftover Turkey sandwich fix. From the size of the turkey, I think we might have leftovers until Christmas. Hopefully he won't end up looking like he did last night after GORGING himself on all the fixins' at his mothers house.
Z-man slept through "The Meal" yesterday and Little D spent the entire time yelling at me that he needed water.

"Water, Meghan!"

He ate his roll, and that was about it, until dessert, when he "ate" a piece of Pumpkin Pie, which consisted mainly of him scooping the whipped cream off the top of it.

Then we tried to get a picture for GP & Poppy's Christmas card. Needless to say, at least for those of you who know Little D, it did not go over well. We had to pull him away from playing trains, so he was pretty damn pissed at us. I post the pictures to give you an idea of the experience, but I've edited them just on the off chance that GP decides to use them. I don't want to spoil her card completely.

That would be my dramatic son throwing himself on the floor.

It was the Worst. Thing. Ever!

That went on for a good 10 minutes. Until we all just decided it wasn't worth listening to anymore screaming or crying (some of which was coming from me). Big D and I didn't speak for a little while after the photo session. For those of you who were there, I wasn't trying to say that Big D made Little D cry to begin with. I was simply trying to say that the way he was approaching the situation, (literally, the way he was coming toward us) was making it worse b/c Little D thought he was ruining his train tracks. So There. Whatever. I'm over it now. Clearly.

The rest of the photos of the day are here.

So, now we prepare for Christmas. Should be pretty easy since I never got around to taking last year's lights down. Take that, neighbors! I beat you to the festivities AND I didn't even have to lift a finger! What can be better than that? Now that's the Holiday spirit!

Z Man is yelling and the "Magic" swing is out of batteries. Again. Looks like I have to go perform my motherly duties. Oh, and my turkey probably needs basting.

November 22, 2007

Bringing Joy to the World

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's Z's first Thanksgiving, although he doesn't seem overly excited about it. He's just as excited about life as he is every other morning. So cute. It's Little D's third Thanksgiving and he, too, doesn't seem to excited about it. In his defense, I'm pretty sure he has no idea what it means, so why would he bother to be excited? All he knows is he gets to go to Grandma Pam's & Poppy's house and ride bikes with Cuz Manny, which is something that IS really exciting for him. Although they've been fighting again lately as Little D grows into the "mine" stage, just as Manny grew out of it. Figures.

So, to bring you all Joy on Thanksgiving, I give you this, quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen. I'm not sure if a few glasses of wine had anything to do with that, but I think it should still be pretty funny. We were watching "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry," (which, btw, was very cute) and there's a scene where they go to a Gay Costume Party. Being my son, Dylan LOVED the music that was playing and gave us quite a show My favorite part is the butt waggle thing at the end:

With that, I have fulfilled my responsibility of bringing joy to the world.

And, I've reminded myself that I'm most thankful for my children, who ALWAYS make me laugh, and for my husband for allowing me the opportunity to spend my days with them.

November 21, 2007

Lessons Learned at The Zoo

On our trip to the Zoo yesterday, we did the usual. Hung out by the Elephants, imitated the Gorillas and, most importantly, rode the train. It was on the train that I learned there was hope for the future. That it is possible to raise nice, responsible boys in today's world.

Here's the scenario:

Full train. Pregnant lady, young son & Grandma looking for a seat. Mom looks a little nervous, which I totally understand because, OMG can you imagine the HEARTBREAK if they can't get on and her son has to watch this train leave without him.

The three seats in front of us are occupied by a man and his four children. Seat directly in front of us contains 1 boy, maybe 8 years old. Just as I start to comment to Grandma Pam that "You would think that man would be nice enough to offer these women a seat" Boy two rows up, maybe 11 years old, turns to boy in front of us and tells him to go up and "Sit with Dad." Little brother moves (without complaining about losing his seat), and Big brother turns to seatless ladies and says "You can sit here." I swear I almost started crying. I wanted to get up and give that little boy a hug and slap his dad on the backside of his head a) for not thinking of it himself and B) for not acknowledging the good deed his son had just done. He needs a pony, or a spaceship, or something that he thinks is incredibly cool from Hammacher Schlemmer, because what kid can resist the stuff in that catalog?

Hopefully my boys will impress someone one day like that kid impressed me. It's possible...IT IS POSSIBLE.

Mommy Musings on Poop

I wasn't sure about writing about this, but then I remembered that I have no readers, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to offend myself, so why not? On the off-chance that someone other than me ever comes across this, I apologize in advance...especially if you have delicate sensibilities.

Poop. OMG, how much of it can a little boy make? I'm not talking about Dylan...he graduated to "Man Poops" a long time ago. They're big and disgusting, and the fact that he refuses to go on the toilet makes them a huge mess to clean up...that, I'm sure, will be another post on another day. Right now I'm talking about my sweet, sweet little baby. He's a wee three months old and is full of adorable smiles, baby fat rolls and the most gorgeous blue eyes (just like his cousin!). There's nothing foul about him...except his poop, or SHPOOP, as it should be known (use your imaginations). It's still "newborn" poop. Yellow, kinda grainy and mostly liquidy. It doesn't smell really nasty, although there is a definite odor to let us know it's there, just in case the straining and grunting didn't alert us to that fact earlier. My problem is comes out his diaper--EVERY DAY. Sometimes more than once. And not just a little bit. Gobs and gobs of it shoot up his back, out the sides (just ask my Mother-in-Law and her kitchen floor) and, on more than one occassion, don't ask me how it happened, but out the front of his diaper.

You're probably thinking I'm a lazy mom and don't change his diaper as often as I should. I'm sure at times that's the case. But most of the time, it's a fresh, barely soiled, quality, brand name diaper. I've tried bigger sizes, smaller sizes, different brands...everything I can think of. I've resorted to leaving him in his pajamas for most of the day, because I know at some point, it's going to happen and I'd rather it happen in his PJ's than in his adorable little baby outfit. More often than not, I finally get him out of his jammies, into some outfit I spent hours (okay, minutes) picking out, and then- BLAM- SHPOOP is suddenly everywhere! SO, it's back to the drawing board on the outfit, and yet another tummy time change, which, btw, I've mastered. Just ask me how it's done...I'm happy to share my patented techniques.
Then there's the time spent scrubbing the stuff out of his clothes. You'd think it would be easy to's just baby poop. Think turns into a tacky, glue-like substance as soon as it hits the fabric. The bright yellow color adheres to the fibers and the little grainy chunks (I apologized earlier) just stick in place. Most of the time it comes out eventually, which is a miracle in and of itself since we don't have hot water to our washer right now (or for the last almost 2 years, which, again, I'm sure will be another post on another day, something like: "How Long Does it Take for a Husband to Run Hot Water to the Washer and Kids Bathroom?").

I've come to the realization that there's nothing I can do about the exploding Shpoop, so I'm just going to have to live with it. And enjoy it while it lasts, because, before too long, he's going to go from this:


To this:


Time flies, especially when there are two of them. I'll take all the Shpoop in the world, because he's not going to be little for long. And then it will be time for tee-ball, bike (trike) riding, temper tantrums, and "I wuv you, Mommy" 's, which is just another awesome stage in the world of being A Mom Two Boys. Awww....

P.S. Another Recall the tell you about...not a toy this time, but something designed to keep our children SAFE...

November 19, 2007

Killing Them Softly...With Hard Plastic

Yet another recall today...this one is for toy bins, not the exact ones in Dylan's room, but something similar. Apparently an 8 month old pulled them over and suffocated...scary to think about since Zach will be in the Crawling-Getting-Into-Everything Mode in the not too distant future (sooner than I care to think about). Christmas is going to be pretty un-fun this year, what with the threat of death, dismemberment or serious illness that looms with each new toy purchase. That's sad to me for many reasons. Mostly because this will be the first year that Dylan gets the whole present thing and can kind of understand the magic of the Season. It's my favorite Holiday, and I've already started playing Christmas music during our early evening "Dance Parties" in the Living Room (although unlike my sister, I haven't converted my car music to Christmas CD's just yet!). We're still awaiting the return of our beloved James trains from our Thomas sets. "Bames" as Dylan calls him, has been missing for a few months now, following the recall that started it all, well, for us anyway.

So, how do you pick toys out for Christmas that you're sure won't end up as a potential health hazard? I'm not sure, but I'm going to follow some pretty basic rules:
1) Nothing made in China. Or, for that matter, anything that has traveled through China, because you never know what may have happened to it on it's journey that it can't remember now.
2) Nothing with small bits that could potentially break off and pose a choking hazard, even if it is marketed for small children.
3) Nothing with paint, OF ANY KIND, for the small chance that the paint may have been manufactured in China, even if the toy wasn't.
4) Nothing with magnets, because OMG, DON'T you people watch Grey's Anatomy?!
5) Nothing with metal or plastic, even if it is from Pottery Barn, because I'd like my children to keep their fingertips. I'm a good mom like that.
6) No Remote Control Anything, because WTF?

SO, where does that leave us? Well, books are safe, right? NOT! (Did I just type "not"?!)...See here and here for examples of why our children are not even safe with books. The only conclusion I can come to, and I'm sure you're thinking THANK GOD this woman is done with this crazy links post, is that the only safe thing to get our children for Christmas (or Hannukah, Kwaanza, Christmakuh, whatever holiday you celebrate, we're equal opportunity here at M2B) this year is the famous old standby...plain wood blocks. Seems everyone enjoys them and, as far as I can tell, there are no potential safety hazards. Although I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow and they too will be recalled for some insane reason.

I'm going to go grab a glass of wine and watch my child jump off his bed while holding some scissors. :0) Just Kidding...about the wine and the scissors. I can't make any promises about the jumping off the bed part.