A Christmas Story

The original title for this post was going to be "Karma can really be a Bitch Sometimes," but, since it's a post about Christmas I thought I might try to actually IMPROVE my Karma and not call it a Bitch, especially since it is in regards to Christmas...who would be foolish enough to willfully challenge their Christmas Karma? NOT ME, NO SIREE.

So, it goes something like this...

Remember that other post, the one the other day where at the very end I was all "Take that neighbors...I beat you to putting up Christmas lights since I just left mine up from last year. Ha Ha, you guys all suck, I'm the Queen of All Things Christmas, I didn't even have to lift a finger except to plug in the extension cord. I'm the best, blah, blah, blah, blah". Well...1/2 of the freakin lights didn't even work. And not just one of the two strings. NO, that would have been TOO easy. 1/2 of the lights on EACH of the strings didn't work. SO, both strings had to be replaced. Sucks, right? WELL...in my infinite wisdom, I figured I'd just hang the new lights on the gutter clips that were existing from last year. Then, when THIS Christmas is over, I could just take down ALL the lights in one fell swoop. Um...yeah. Not so much. The damn gutter clips were so brittle from being outside all year that they all just broke immediately upon being touched. SO, my original plan didn't work and I had to take all the old lights down and THEN hang the new ones.

It was also ridiculously warm out today while I was hanging (or re-hanging) lights. Nothing puts me in the Christmas spirit like 70 degree weather and sweating while putting out decorations. And I'm sure there are some of you out there who are thinkging "Oh, Gosh...POOR BABY, it's WARM while she puts up Christmas lights. It's like, 17 degrees outside MY house right now, and I'm supposed to feel bad for her little ass sitting out there in California being too WARM." Well, to that I say SUCK IT. You know why? It's CHRISTMAS, people. CHRISTMAS. It's supposed to be cold and snowy and I'm supposed to be in flannel pajamas, wrapped in a blanket and drinking hot chocolate (with Peppermint Schnapps, of course). There's even a famous song AND a movie, sung by and starring a famous person, ABOUT having a cold, snowy Christmas. It's called "White Christmas" and its Bing Crosby. If Bing Crosby says so, then CLEARLY, IT'S SUPPOSED TO SNOW AT CHRISTMAS. Not be 70 and sunny.

Moving on...I also made a big switch this year. I put up COLORED lights. Ever since I can remember, I've been opposed to colored lights. I'm not sure why, because I like them on other people's houses, I just never wanted them on MINE. MY house would always have WHITE lights. WHITE lights are classy and pretty. Colored lights are for frat houses and pizza joints. Just kidding, but for some reason I never wanted colored lights. Now, everytime Dylan sees a house with colored lights he gets REALLY excited. He likes the houses with white lights, but he responds much better to houses with colored lights. Of course, our house has to KICK all the other houses ASSES, so it MUST have lights that will make a 2 year old shriek with glee. Now, it does.

I think I'll probably stick with white lights on the tree, though. I can only do so much people. It's like my dislike of fake Christmas trees. I'm not opposed to them in principle. I just think that there's nothing like a REAL tree. The look, the smell, the imperfection of it. That's Christmas to me. This belief is fairly strong and has actually led to my FORBIDDING my mother from buying a fake tree. Because BY GOD, my children will NEVER wake up Christmas morning in a house with a FAKE CHRISTMAS TREE. (Side Note: I sound like I'm a lot of fun to be around on Christmas, don't I?!)

Which brings me back to the time that my StepDad (who did not have that "official" title at the time) brought a Christmas tree to our house as a surprise. Bless his heart, he thought he was doing this really nice thing that would bring lots of Christmas Cheer to us. Well...needless to say, I was REALLY upset that I hadn't been able to go and pick out the tree myself. How old was I, you ask? You're thinking I must have been 9, 10 maybe? NO-I was almost 18. I think I broke his heart that night. OMG, I was so UPSET and NOT at all as appreciative as I should have been. But, for reasons I won't go into right now, that was a rough Christmas and picking out the tree would have been one thing to give it SOME sense of normalcy.*

So, back to my Christmas lights outside. I bought this little set of cheap, dopey plastic Snowflake lights. I don't know what posessed me to buy them, except that I think Dylan will appreciate them. Anyway, the box says something like "Amazing display will be the envy of your neighborhood". Well, people, if these things are the envy of your neighborhood, you need to move. Or, at the very least, get some new neighbors.

I'll get some pictures this weekend after I finish stage 2- deadheading my Hydrangeas out front and putting more (colored) lights on them. I'm afraid if I don't remove the dead blooms first, they'll ignite when the intense heat of the lights hits them. It's only supposed to be 60 out, so I might even have to wear a sweatshirt!

*Um...we're probably thinking the same thing- the original title of this post should have been:
"I can really be a Bitch Sometimes" :0)

Dylan wants a grilled cheese sandwich, so I'm off to mom duty. More to come later. I'm sure you'll be waiting with baited breath.