Dear Jamie-Lynn Spears,

You sweet adorable little CHILD. Please, PLEASE have learned from your sister's mistakes and be a BETTER parent than she is. I'm not talking about not tripping while carrying your child, that could happen to anyone. I'm talking about not driving (do you even have your license yet?) with them on your lap. Not missing court depositions regarding your custody arrangement. In fact, don't even GET to the point where you HAVE court depositions regarding the custody of your children. But, if you do, please make it a point to make it important enough for you to be there.

Good Luck. I'll be pulling for you.

Dear New Jersey,

Please allow prisoners in your state to carry concealed weapons. At least until one of them has the opportunity to use one against the A*SHOLE who killed Megan Kanka. You've done away with the death penalty, now you must find another way to do away with that worthless human being.

Thank you.

Dear Oprah

Please, do not ever, EVER have Dr. Oz take his clothes off on National TV again.

Thank you.

Virtual Hugs

Dear Internet People,

Please send big virtual hugs to my sister. She's knocked up (yay! Another baby...maybe even, dare I say, a girl!?), it's freakin' cold where she lives and she's been rear ended TWICE in the past few weeks. Both times with her almost 2 year old in the car, the most recent of which happend JUST NOW. A few minutes ago. Right after she made a comment to me about having the "cheap" car seat in the car in preparation for their plane trip out here this week. Poor thing. But, she wasn't even crying, which is awesome. I would have been a sobbing, snot nosed idiot.

So, send her a virtual hug and have a nice, big alcoholic drink for her tonight. If that's not your bag, then eat some brie or some lunch meat for her. That would work too.

Thanks!

Oh, and we were not on the phone with each other at the time. It kind of sounds like we were, but we weren't. It must have happened in the 5 minutes of the day that we weren't talking to each other. Okay, so we don't talk THAT much. We used to, but then she went back to work and now she can't keep me occupied all day long, so that's your job now, internet. Hmmm...that makes me want to give you a big virtual hug too. Okay, I'm done now.