As I drink Corona with lime because, YES, I AM that classy and GASP! I RAN OUT OF WINE. It's never happened before and, as I swear on the very breath in my body, It. Will. NEVER. Happen. Again.
And now to the Oscars...
Funny Category-
1) Jon Stewart: Something to the effect of: "The only time we ever see a black or a woman President is if an asteroid is about to hit the Empire State Building"
2) Jon Stewart: Something to the effect of: "Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him the automatic front runner for the GOP nomination"
3) Um, okay, so, yeah. This isn't nearly as good as I'd hoped.
WTF? Category-
1) Katherine Heigl- Really? You're THAT nervous? Come on.
2) A Happy Little Working Song...seriously? Oscar nominated?
3) Keri Russell's husband's hair? She lets him out of the house like that?
4) Where the hell is Ben Affleck? Is he there and I just haven't seen him? Jen's there. His brother, who is nominated for HIS movie is there, but I haven't seen him. What's up with that? Can you explain it, internets? Can you?
Ahhhh... Category-
1) George Clooney...enough said
2) The Rock. Can YOU smell what The Rock is cooking? Because I can and I'd like some.
3) Javier Bardem kissing Josh Brolin. That's not REALLY my cup of tea, but if it were...HELLO! Am I right or am I right?
Meghan's Picks For Best Dressed-
1) Sarah Larson, simply because George Clooney was on her arm. He'd make anybody look good.
2) Keri Russell. I wasn't a fan of her dress, but thought she looked really pretty above the chest. I'm sure the men would argue that her chest looked good too. Whatev.
Holy Shit Category-
1) Who is that little girl singing? Wow.
2) OMG, it's Owen Wilson. Yay!
Best Speeches Category-
1) Marion Cotillard- I'm just going to leave it at that and say no one else wins for this category. Voting is closed. She is freaking adorable.
And is it just me, or is anybody else SO happy that Nicole Kidman got away from that whack job Tom Cruise? Keith Urban is SO MUCH HOTTER and less insane. Even given his struggles with drug & alcohol abuse. I'd totally pick him over Tom Scientology. In a heartbeat.
Oh, and have any of you ever tried to watch the Oscars while listening to this? I'll bet the answer is no. Again, the most annoying sound ever. Or, at least to ever come out of an adorable little baby.
And this wasn't even as bad as it was for most of the night. It drove me crazy. I finally just put him in his swing and ignored him. I didn't know what else to do with him. Poor kid. He's SO a second child.
P.S. I got bored and stopped paying attention. So, my list did not have anything added to it after about 7:15pm. I'm the worst Oscar commentator ever. Really. Ever.
Okay, just kidding. 'Cause Diablo Cody just won for best screenplay. Awesome, even though I've not seen the movie. Now that's stepping out of the box.
