Two Things I Heart (& So Should You)

Since walking away from my computer 20 minutes ago I've come across two things that have made me smile. They're simple things. Little things. Two things that make this crazy world in which we live a better place. Two things that...

Two things that someone should have thought of YEARS ago.

1) A Plastic Package Opener. The Zibra Open It! *

It's AWESOME! BEST. THING. EVER. You-yeah, you. You, there, reading this. YOU need this. You don't even know it, but you NEED it. Especially with Christmas coming. Apparently it will even end your "Wrap Rage." How awesome is that? Did you even know you had wrap rage? Probably not. But next time you're trying to open a pesky plastic package with out this, you will be reminded. It even has a little knife** and a tiny little screwdriver built right in. We've used all the functions and we've only had it for a few days. Ironically, it comes packaged in just the stuff that you need the tool to open. Not so sure about that, but with Christmas/Chanukah/My Birthday coming you might want to invest in this handy little device.
*Total death & dismemberment hazard for little ones, so keep it out of their reach.
** Until you are 100% sure where the knife part will "pop" out...don't, I REPEAT - DO NOT -push the button. (MOTHER F.U.C.K.E.R. Anyone?)

2) Costco's Frozen Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts are now...wait for it...INDIVIDUALLY wrapped. I have NO IDEA why I'm so excited about that, but I am. Just wanted to let you know, in case you weren't aware already.

So, to recap:

I HEART the Zibra Open It! & the individually wrapped chicken breasts at Costco and so should you.

I Hate You Boppy...

But, OH, HOW I LOVE YOU!

I am full of conflicting emotions right now. Some of you may know of my larger than life love for my Boppy Newborn Lounger (oh, and my children). Or, really, Zach's Boppy Newborn Lounger. He's three months old, almost 15 pounds and still spends EVERY night in it. I'm terrified of the first night he has to sleep (gasp!) completely flat on his back w/out the comfy softness of that damn pillow beneath him. It's going to be a nightmare. That pillow has been a lifesaver and I vow to give it to every woman I know who has a baby (or THREE, yeah Hope! Sorry to spoil the surprise. They'll arrive on your doorstep soon, hopefully without an impending recall). They NEED this pillow, and they don't even know it.

That's why I LOVE Boppy. This is why I HATE them right now.

Are you freaking kidding me? Them too? You expect it from cheap (or not so much...just ask my wallet how quickly Thomas stuff adds up) toys and crappy jewelry made in China. But not Boppy. It's a pillow for Krist-sake. I've posted about it before, but this renews my frustration. What is safe? Seriously- a freaking pillow cover contains too much lead?! It seems like EVERYTHING poses some potential hazard to us and our children. It's made worse by the fact that we're all (in our own right) complete morons at one time or another.

I came across this blog today and it cracked me up. I intend to be the new poster child for Mother F.U.C.K.E.R. Mostly because I think it's an awesome idea, but also because you all know about my love for the "Eff word." And, she makes me laugh (and cry a little too). Be sure to read this one as well.

So, note to self: Do not let small child suck on zippers, or eat IPhones. Although, I kinda learned the whole cell phone thing when Dylan was a baby and drooled into my phone and killed it. Uh, yeah. Moron. Right.

BTW, both boys are sound asleep in their own beds right now. Dylan fell asleep watching "Bob Bob Pants" in an effort to avoid the deadly drill his dad is using, and Zach fell asleep IN HIS REAL CRIB while watching his "Magic" mobile. Gives me just enough time to finish watching the "October Road" marathon. Gotta love the things I do with my free time. Dishes & laundry be damned. I'm going to "blog" and watch SoapNet.

Killing Them Softly...With Hard Plastic

Yet another recall today...this one is for toy bins, not the exact ones in Dylan's room, but something similar. Apparently an 8 month old pulled them over and suffocated...scary to think about since Zach will be in the Crawling-Getting-Into-Everything Mode in the not too distant future (sooner than I care to think about). Christmas is going to be pretty un-fun this year, what with the threat of death, dismemberment or serious illness that looms with each new toy purchase. That's sad to me for many reasons. Mostly because this will be the first year that Dylan gets the whole present thing and can kind of understand the magic of the Season. It's my favorite Holiday, and I've already started playing Christmas music during our early evening "Dance Parties" in the Living Room (although unlike my sister, I haven't converted my car music to Christmas CD's just yet!). We're still awaiting the return of our beloved James trains from our Thomas sets. "Bames" as Dylan calls him, has been missing for a few months now, following the recall that started it all, well, for us anyway.

So, how do you pick toys out for Christmas that you're sure won't end up as a potential health hazard? I'm not sure, but I'm going to follow some pretty basic rules:
1) Nothing made in China. Or, for that matter, anything that has traveled through China, because you never know what may have happened to it on it's journey that it can't remember now.
2) Nothing with small bits that could potentially break off and pose a choking hazard, even if it is marketed for small children.
3) Nothing with paint, OF ANY KIND, for the small chance that the paint may have been manufactured in China, even if the toy wasn't.
4) Nothing with magnets, because OMG, DON'T you people watch Grey's Anatomy?!
5) Nothing with metal or plastic, even if it is from Pottery Barn, because I'd like my children to keep their fingertips. I'm a good mom like that.
6) No Remote Control Anything, because WTF?


SO, where does that leave us? Well, books are safe, right? NOT! (Did I just type "not"?!)...See here and here for examples of why our children are not even safe with books. The only conclusion I can come to, and I'm sure you're thinking THANK GOD this woman is done with this crazy links post, is that the only safe thing to get our children for Christmas (or Hannukah, Kwaanza, Christmakuh, whatever holiday you celebrate, we're equal opportunity here at M2B) this year is the famous old standby...plain wood blocks. Seems everyone enjoys them and, as far as I can tell, there are no potential safety hazards. Although I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow and they too will be recalled for some insane reason.

I'm going to go grab a glass of wine and watch my child jump off his bed while holding some scissors. :0) Just Kidding...about the wine and the scissors. I can't make any promises about the jumping off the bed part.