Once Again, Santa is Trying to Kill Our Children

Remember this post? The one where I called Santa an Axe Murderer because of Dylan's fear of him? Well, turns out I may not have been too far off.

For your reading pleasure, I bring you a few new recalls. Very well something that you Santa may have recently given your children.

I'm not sure about you, but I wouldn't be prone to letting my children teethe on something that was sterling silver to begin with. But, to each his own, so here you go.

Dylan's all about building towers right now. Fortunately, this is not something we own.

For those of you who live in cold areas and shop at Gap Outlet, take note. I'm assuming that if you'd spend $50.00 on a coat for you kid, you'd like to be sure they're safe while wearing it. Just guessing.

Because, if you're like me, you don't need ANOTHER reason to worry about your children while they sleep at night. So, keep them out of these bunk beds.

At first I though, Um...DUH, but then I read further and saw there was a mechanical reason behind it. "Bombardier Recreational Products Recalls Snowmobiles Due to Crash Hazard"
Aren't all snowmobiles crash hazards to some extent?

Stream of Consciousness...Be Warned

It's Sunday. It's 10:41am and I'm on my couch in my pajamas. Still. DJ left at 7:45 this morning to golf. I have dishes, laundry (which includes SEVERAL sets of peed on sheets, including my own, thanks to Dylan) and organizing to do. We're leaving for our Kissmas trip in T-4 days, which is very exciting, but also a bit overwhelming. I have a lot to get done before then. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. There's packing all the clothes for all four of us, and making sure we're weater/activity appropriate. But, before the clothes can be packed, they have to be washed. Then there's the Kissmas presents that need to be collected and packed up. Packed up in Plastic Containers due to the threat of rain. Rain which wouldn't matter if we were taking the car, but does matter because we have to take so much CRAP that we have to take the truck. But, before the Christmas presents can be packed up in plastic containers they need to be bought. Not all of them, our tree is overflowing already, but the little odds & ends that I haven't gotten to yet. For a moment I thought about going out today, but then came to my senses and thought better of it. Tomorrow's Monday, and the final shopping can wait until then. Or Wednesday. But hopefully tomorrow because Wednesday is the day before we leave, so that's cutting it close, even by my standards.

But tomorrow we have to be at the Dr.'s at 9:15am for Zach's 4 month Jab Him In The Leg as Many Times As We Can So We Can Make Him Scream And Be Miserable Appointment* Well Baby Exam. After which I can't even nurse him to calm him down for fear he'll spit up the recently administered Jammed Down His Throat Rotavirus Vaccine. But, on a good (?) note, he'll get one less Jab in the Leg tomorrow due to the recent recall of the Hib Vaccine. Now I'll just have to worry about him contracting Meningitis. Apparently it's not a big worry because ONLY "about 20,000 US children a year were seriously harmed and about 1,000 died form Hib" before the vaccine was widely administered. Huh? Excuse me? ONLY 20,000? ONLY 1,000 DIED? That's a HELL of a lot of children in my book. I suppose they must not have been important children, so their deaths didn't matter as much? WTF?

So, as I was saying. We have to leave the house by 8:45 tomorrow morning to make it to the Docs in time for the appointment. I think I can get the boys out the door by 8:00 to head to Walmart to pick up More Crap to Fit In The Back Of The Truck, also known as our final Site to Store packages (Spongebob Cups & Thomas Hideaway have arrived...what would I have done without them?). I also want to make a trip to Toys R'Us to get Dylan the much coveted Thomas and the Jet Engine battery operated train. It's certainly something he COULD live without, but it would be nice to go a day without hearing "I Need the Jet Engine." The quiet would be short lived because we'd probably just start hearing a lot of "It's broken. It needs batties."

Which brings me to another dilemma I'm having. I can't decide if it would be a good idea or a bad idea to pack up some of Dylan's trains & tracks so that all the boys could play with them. I'm torn because either way, it will be an extreme. Either REALLY good because the boys will enjoy it and it might keep them entertained inside while it rains outside, and ANYTHING that can keep an almost 3 year old and two almost 2 year olds entertained is good in my book. But it could be REALLY bad because I can just picture the tears and fighting that could ensue with three little boys trying to play trains together. Oh, and the tears of which I speak are Dylan's. He's way OCD about his train tracks and he DOES NOT like it when anyone but him messes them up. I'm currently leaning toward taking them, because they can always be taken away if things get out of hand. Now that adds one more thing I have to pack in the truck. See how difficult I make things for myself?

I also have to remember to bring my pump and some bottles for Zach. That would seem like a given, except, for some reason, that's the stuff I ALWAYS forget. My sis, bro-in-law and DJ and I are going out to dinner...without kids!...so I need to make sure the chubby little boy I birthed 4 months ago tomorrow has food to eat. Seems like a good idea to me. That's the mommy in me. I'm going to TRY to remember to bring the devices that will keep my infant child fed and happy. I should win some type of award. Or a visit from Child Protective Services.

We also have to have room in the truck for our ginormous dog, aka Tahoe, who has to be dropped at the Doggie Hotel on the way out of town. He'll be enjoying a week of pampering and humping all the other dogs. Merry Kissmas, Tahoe. That's my gift to you. Which brings back memories of a Kissmas not long ago when he was a puppy and not yet "clipped". Oh My, did he have his way with my Aunt & Uncle's Golden Retriever. It was embarassing and quite funny. Nothing says Kissmas like some boy on boy doggie action.

I'm also a little bit nervous about what we have to bring BACK from our Kissmas Trip. Regardless of the presents the boys will be getting from the rest of the family, there's the secretive gift that DJ has planned for Dylan. He's planning on purchasing it up there and is worried that people might be put off by it. It's apparently that big and extravagant. I have NO IDEA what he's planning and I'm a wee bit worried. It's dangerous, DANGEROUS I say, when he has money burning a hole in his pocket. Now you're all curious too, aren't ya?

Well, it's now 11:45 and I've successfully killed an hour. That's some mad time killing skillz right there. It's like I'm back in college and I'm putting off studying or writing a paper. I suppose I should take a shower now. That will kill some more time before the real work begins.

*This post was updated b/c I couldn't figure out how to do the strikethrough earlier, but then I looked at my "Blog Buddy" and, in true kindred spirit fashion, she has the EXACT thing I was looking for on her blog. WEEEIIIRRRDDDD!

Don't Let Your Children Suck on the Toilet

Seems logical right? Well...in case you don't agree and you own this potty training toilet, you might be exposing them to excessive levels of lead. Again.

Also, this stroller has been recalled.

And, this baby feeding seat. The same one GP has, so we'll have to check it out and make sure it doesn't propel any of the children onto the floor.

Oh, and in case you're having trouble keeping up, 2 of the 3 mentioned on this page, along with the Thomas Trains, are all manufactured by RC2 Corp. Hmmm....I'm beginning to see a pattern here.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, Zach insisted on being fed, so the cookies are being postponed for the moment (and yes, I'm typing with one hand).

I Hate You Boppy...

But, OH, HOW I LOVE YOU!

I am full of conflicting emotions right now. Some of you may know of my larger than life love for my Boppy Newborn Lounger (oh, and my children). Or, really, Zach's Boppy Newborn Lounger. He's three months old, almost 15 pounds and still spends EVERY night in it. I'm terrified of the first night he has to sleep (gasp!) completely flat on his back w/out the comfy softness of that damn pillow beneath him. It's going to be a nightmare. That pillow has been a lifesaver and I vow to give it to every woman I know who has a baby (or THREE, yeah Hope! Sorry to spoil the surprise. They'll arrive on your doorstep soon, hopefully without an impending recall). They NEED this pillow, and they don't even know it.

That's why I LOVE Boppy. This is why I HATE them right now.

Are you freaking kidding me? Them too? You expect it from cheap (or not so much...just ask my wallet how quickly Thomas stuff adds up) toys and crappy jewelry made in China. But not Boppy. It's a pillow for Krist-sake. I've posted about it before, but this renews my frustration. What is safe? Seriously- a freaking pillow cover contains too much lead?! It seems like EVERYTHING poses some potential hazard to us and our children. It's made worse by the fact that we're all (in our own right) complete morons at one time or another.

I came across this blog today and it cracked me up. I intend to be the new poster child for Mother F.U.C.K.E.R. Mostly because I think it's an awesome idea, but also because you all know about my love for the "Eff word." And, she makes me laugh (and cry a little too). Be sure to read this one as well.

So, note to self: Do not let small child suck on zippers, or eat IPhones. Although, I kinda learned the whole cell phone thing when Dylan was a baby and drooled into my phone and killed it. Uh, yeah. Moron. Right.

BTW, both boys are sound asleep in their own beds right now. Dylan fell asleep watching "Bob Bob Pants" in an effort to avoid the deadly drill his dad is using, and Zach fell asleep IN HIS REAL CRIB while watching his "Magic" mobile. Gives me just enough time to finish watching the "October Road" marathon. Gotta love the things I do with my free time. Dishes & laundry be damned. I'm going to "blog" and watch SoapNet.

Mommy Musings on Poop

I wasn't sure about writing about this, but then I remembered that I have no readers, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to offend myself, so why not? On the off-chance that someone other than me ever comes across this, I apologize in advance...especially if you have delicate sensibilities.

Poop. OMG, how much of it can a little boy make? I'm not talking about Dylan...he graduated to "Man Poops" a long time ago. They're big and disgusting, and the fact that he refuses to go on the toilet makes them a huge mess to clean up...that, I'm sure, will be another post on another day. Right now I'm talking about my sweet, sweet little baby. He's a wee three months old and is full of adorable smiles, baby fat rolls and the most gorgeous blue eyes (just like his cousin!). There's nothing foul about him...except his poop, or SHPOOP, as it should be known (use your imaginations). It's still "newborn" poop. Yellow, kinda grainy and mostly liquidy. It doesn't smell really nasty, although there is a definite odor to let us know it's there, just in case the straining and grunting didn't alert us to that fact earlier. My problem is this...it comes out his diaper--EVERY DAY. Sometimes more than once. And not just a little bit. Gobs and gobs of it shoot up his back, out the sides (just ask my Mother-in-Law and her kitchen floor) and, on more than one occassion, don't ask me how it happened, but out the front of his diaper.

You're probably thinking I'm a lazy mom and don't change his diaper as often as I should. I'm sure at times that's the case. But most of the time, it's a fresh, barely soiled, quality, brand name diaper. I've tried bigger sizes, smaller sizes, different brands...everything I can think of. I've resorted to leaving him in his pajamas for most of the day, because I know at some point, it's going to happen and I'd rather it happen in his PJ's than in his adorable little baby outfit. More often than not, I finally get him out of his jammies, into some outfit I spent hours (okay, minutes) picking out, and then- BLAM- SHPOOP is suddenly everywhere! SO, it's back to the drawing board on the outfit, and yet another tummy time change, which, btw, I've mastered. Just ask me how it's done...I'm happy to share my patented techniques.

Then there's the time spent scrubbing the stuff out of his clothes. You'd think it would be easy to remove...it's just baby poop. Think again...it turns into a tacky, glue-like substance as soon as it hits the fabric. The bright yellow color adheres to the fibers and the little grainy chunks (I apologized earlier) just stick in place. Most of the time it comes out eventually, which is a miracle in and of itself since we don't have hot water to our washer right now (or for the last almost 2 years, which, again, I'm sure will be another post on another day, something like: "How Long Does it Take for a Husband to Run Hot Water to the Washer and Kids Bathroom?").

I've come to the realization that there's nothing I can do about the exploding Shpoop, so I'm just going to have to live with it. And enjoy it while it lasts, because, before too long, he's going to go from this:

Zach

To this:

Dylan

Time flies, especially when there are two of them. I'll take all the Shpoop in the world, because he's not going to be little for long. And then it will be time for tee-ball, bike (trike) riding, temper tantrums, and "I wuv you, Mommy" 's, which is just another awesome stage in the world of being A Mom Two Boys. Awww....

P.S. Another Recall the tell you about...not a toy this time, but something designed to keep our children SAFE...

Killing Them Softly...With Hard Plastic

Yet another recall today...this one is for toy bins, not the exact ones in Dylan's room, but something similar. Apparently an 8 month old pulled them over and suffocated...scary to think about since Zach will be in the Crawling-Getting-Into-Everything Mode in the not too distant future (sooner than I care to think about). Christmas is going to be pretty un-fun this year, what with the threat of death, dismemberment or serious illness that looms with each new toy purchase. That's sad to me for many reasons. Mostly because this will be the first year that Dylan gets the whole present thing and can kind of understand the magic of the Season. It's my favorite Holiday, and I've already started playing Christmas music during our early evening "Dance Parties" in the Living Room (although unlike my sister, I haven't converted my car music to Christmas CD's just yet!). We're still awaiting the return of our beloved James trains from our Thomas sets. "Bames" as Dylan calls him, has been missing for a few months now, following the recall that started it all, well, for us anyway.

So, how do you pick toys out for Christmas that you're sure won't end up as a potential health hazard? I'm not sure, but I'm going to follow some pretty basic rules:
1) Nothing made in China. Or, for that matter, anything that has traveled through China, because you never know what may have happened to it on it's journey that it can't remember now.
2) Nothing with small bits that could potentially break off and pose a choking hazard, even if it is marketed for small children.
3) Nothing with paint, OF ANY KIND, for the small chance that the paint may have been manufactured in China, even if the toy wasn't.
4) Nothing with magnets, because OMG, DON'T you people watch Grey's Anatomy?!
5) Nothing with metal or plastic, even if it is from Pottery Barn, because I'd like my children to keep their fingertips. I'm a good mom like that.
6) No Remote Control Anything, because WTF?


SO, where does that leave us? Well, books are safe, right? NOT! (Did I just type "not"?!)...See here and here for examples of why our children are not even safe with books. The only conclusion I can come to, and I'm sure you're thinking THANK GOD this woman is done with this crazy links post, is that the only safe thing to get our children for Christmas (or Hannukah, Kwaanza, Christmakuh, whatever holiday you celebrate, we're equal opportunity here at M2B) this year is the famous old standby...plain wood blocks. Seems everyone enjoys them and, as far as I can tell, there are no potential safety hazards. Although I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow and they too will be recalled for some insane reason.

I'm going to go grab a glass of wine and watch my child jump off his bed while holding some scissors. :0) Just Kidding...about the wine and the scissors. I can't make any promises about the jumping off the bed part.