Cow Alert!

That's my most famous quote ever. I uttered it when we were looking for houses in the beautiful town of Warwick, NY when I was a kid. Maybe 5 or 6. Warwick is described most often as "quaint" and "picturesque" or "boring" and "lame" if you're in high school. But I'm no longer in high school, so I choose to go with "quaint" and "picturesque." See for yourself:

They're all a little tiny, but hopefully you get the point. It's cute. And quaint. And..picturesque. These were borrowed from the website of Nick Zungoli, Warwickian and awesome photographer. Go see for yourself. At the very least you'll get to look at some purdy pictures.

But I digress...what was I talking about again? Oh yes, my famous quote. As we were driving through Warwick I spotted one of the MANY dairy farms with a landscape studded with cows and yelled, to the amusement of my family and our Realtor, "Cow Alert!" It's stuck with me ever since.

My sister's most famous quote ever just HAPPENED to be uttered on National Television. In her early teen years (OH! How I wish I had a picture!) she and a family friend were contestants on the uber-famous game show, Fun House. You KNOW you remember it. JD Roth hosted and the blond twins flashed their pearly whites for all the teenage boys at home to lust after. Ahh...the memories. Anyhoo, it was quite possibly one of the funniest things I can remember about my childhood. Oh, the fun we made of her. She actually wandered off stage at one point. In her defense she was blindfolded (I think she was smashing pies onto her partner's head?), but it was still freakin' hilarious.

Her funniest/most famous quote came during the question and answer session of the game. I can't remember what the question was, but her answer was "Is it...fudge?" The ... is the dramatic pause she took before guessing at fudge. I realize the re-telling of this story is not quite as funny as the memory of the event is in my head. Oh, how we laughed and laughed and LAUGHED at her expense. To this day it still makes me giggle. I think there's a videotape of it somewhere. I'll have to track it down, copy the VHS to DVD and then transfer the DVD to the computer, upload it to Vimeo and share it with all of you. THEN you could laugh along with me. Not with Quart, though. She's still bitter. They didn't win. When I just called her to "fact check", cause you KNOW I'm all about the accuracy, she said, when asked about what they had won, and I quote(ish) "Oh. I was so pissed. We were told we won a $100.00 Toys R'Us Gift Certificate and I was going to buy us a Nintendo, but when the show aired they said we won a $50.00 Gitano Gift Certificate. But all it really was was Gitano clothes worth $50.00. And I got to keep my British Knight shoes. Or BK's as they came to be known." There was much bitterness in her voice as she recalled that. I kind of felt bad for bringing it up. Kind of. But not really because I'm smiling right now just thinking of it.

But, I digress ONCE AGAIN. Where are we so far? Cow Alert! and Is it...fudge? You're probably all starting to wonder why in the hell I'm sharing with you these frivolous and not so funny if you weren't there kind of stories, aren't you? WELL...don't get your panties in a bunch. I'm going to share with you the amusing things Dylan has uttered recently. I know you're excited. Just try to contain yourself. There's a point to all of this at the end. I promise.

• It's Cookie Time!
• Can I have candy pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease? -NO- Oh...can I look at it?
• (While in the living room with me) I need to poop. Get out of hea. You need to go take a shower. So I can poop in hea. (He still poops in a diaper. Not on the floor.)
• Mmmm...I LOVE cookies! -Do you love Mommy?- Mmmm...yea (shrugs shoulders)
• Good night! No bugs! (his version of "don't let the bed bugs bite")
• (At the Car Wash, on our 2nd go round due to some Car Wash technical difficulties) We're going through AGAIN? Oh, Goodness Sakes!

So, that leaves me with two questions for you.

1. What's YOUR most famous quote ever?
2. If your baby refused to nap, so you fed him (or her) and he (or she) finally fell asleep and THEN you realized they had soiled their diaper, would you wake them up to change it or let them sleep in a poop filled diaper for a few hours?

I shared my answer to #1, you'll have to guess at #2. Although you know me pretty well by now and probably already know the answer. Coming tomorrow...I recount last night's dinner concoction for you. It's kind of a recipe, although there's really very little cooking involved. Just browning and seasoning some meat. Yes! HRH and Madge, this is for you! And, Z, there's even a vegetarian version! Gear up, ladies. Be prepared to wow your family. Or totally gross them out. It's kind of a weird concoction.

And, since I hear it coming from the other room, and because I'd hate to leave him out, Zach says "DA Ma! DaAAMAaa! Squee! MamamamamDaamamamdadadama! Squee!" which translates, loosely, to something really funny about his mobile. Or his toes. Or both. I'm not quite sure.

I Hate People Who Breathe...

On me. It's my second biggest Pet Peeve. I CAN NOT STAND to feel someone's breathe blowing across me. It literally gives me the heebie jeebies and distracts me from whatever it is that I'm doing. **Cough**Ahem**

When I was pregnant with Dylan it came up in a conversation with one of my Doctors. I told her I was worried about being annoyed every time the baby breathed on me while I was holding him. She told me that because it was my child that I wouldn't mind it. She was WRONG.

I didn't mind it so much when he was a baby. He was little and his breathing was little, so I didn't feel it. Now, though? Now that he's a 3 year old? Now that he comes and climbs into bed and nestles in to me AS CLOSE as he can possibly get? Now I have to turn my face in another direction. Or put a pillow in between us. Or shove him over to his father's side.

It drives DJ crazy. He takes it personally. I can't for the life of me figure out how to explain it to him. How to explain that the feeling of it, for some inexplicable reason, completely and totally CREEPS ME THE FUCK OUT. It makes no sense. It's crazy. I know that, which makes it THAT much harder to explain and defend.

It's not about bad breath, although that certainly makes matters worse. It's not about personal space. Someone can be standing a few feet away from me and if I can feel their breath, I have to adjust my position to get out of the line of fire. Serioulsy. I know. It's insane. It's weird. It's worse than having to hear people chew bagels (ewww) or listening to people slurp their soup (gah) or when people put their toilet paper on the holder the wrong way (OUT, people. It should always hang OUT from the wall. Not against the wall).

It's annoying. But it doesn't make my skin crawl, my cheeks burn red and my stomach bunch up in knots. That, my friends, is how I feel everytime I see someone commit the sin of all sins. The cardinal fuck up in the World of Meghan. That, though, is for another post another time.

Now that I told you one of mine, what's one of your pet peeves?

And The Giveaway Winner Is...

Niki, comment #27! Congratulations, Niki! I'll be sending bracelet #6 to you ASAP! That one's also my favorite, so you must have GREAT taste! And you have Ice Castles listed as your favorite movie...that's just AWESOME. Love it!



I'll also be participating in the next round of the Bloggy Giveaways in July! So if you didn't win this go round, you'll have another opportunity coming up! Thanks for playing!

Flower Power

Head on over to Sarcastic Mom for some more Weekly Winners!

In Which My Sleep Deprivation Causes Me To Ramble About Sleep Deprivation

Erika at Plain Jane Mom shared her newfound tip for obtaining a successful night's sleep. Pop 2 pills...Magnesium & Calcium...about an hour before you go to bed. There's more to it, but you can read about it over there...Sounds easy enough, right?

My question is this...

Is a combination of Magnesium & Calcium safe for a three year old? Cause if the answer is Yes, I'm getting my shit together and heading DIRECTLY to Target to get me some of that magic potion.

After the night we had last night, I'm willing to try ANYDAMNTHING. The usual dose of Benadryl, due to his sudden and SEVERE seasonal allergies didn't even knock the kid out last night. The day he spent screwing around with his cousins "swimming" didn't even knock the kid out last night. The fact that we didn't even get home until after 9pm last night and he still had to shower (from all the "swimming") and ended up staying up until 10pm (from all the "screaming" coming from his brother) didn't even knock the kid out last night. He was up at least 6 times. Mostly because, as he puts it, his "nose is running out!" and must be wiped IMMEDIATELY by MOMMY. At one point he needed "to go pee, mommy." My response? "ust pee in your damn diaper and go back to sleep." Sadly I'm not kidding. I'll be accepting Mothering Awards starting tomorrow. Thank you very much.

As for the baby? I don't know if he's teething or going through a growth spurt or what, but he SCREAMED for an hour and a half last night. After completely losing his shit no less than four times in that time frame, I finally got him to sleep at 10:30. He slept until 2. And then again until 6. At which point I figured I'd bring him back into my room, feed him, and just keep him in there with me until it was a decent time to get up. It worked like a charm.

For 15 minutes, at which point his asshole brother Dylan came into our room crying because he needed "A tissue or nappin cause my nose is runnin' out." Needless to say, he woke Zach up, who was MORE THAN HAPPY to begin his day. Also needless to say, I WAS NOT. Dylan went back to his room and slept until 8:15. Zach and I got up and watched TV until 7:45 when he was ready for a nap. DJ slept unti
8:30. I've been living on coffee and iced tea.

I'm dreading tonight. I'm going to get myself liquored up nice and good and hope that even if the boys wake up, I won't hear them.

Sounds better than drugging them, right?

I might try that tomorrow.

Just Read the First Half

Dude. If you haven't checked out the Bloggy Giveaways site, get your cute little tushie over there, pronto, and enter a few drawings. Gems, I tell ya. Gems.

There's something for everyone. In fact, it's more like there's somethingS for everyone. If I had more time and less guilt, I'd have entered about 435 of the 866 that are currently listed. Sadly, due to the guilt, and the fact that I'm responsible for the health and well being of two little boys and one marriage, I can't spend my day posting comments and entering giveaways. Don't Cry For Me, Bloggies, I'll be okay. I've managed to enter a few. And, really, there are only so many free kids Yogurt coupons or Custom Fruit Roll-Ups a girl can use, ya know?

Anyhoo, there's lots to be found...jewelry, gift cards, clothes, shoes, vacuum cleaners, toaster ovens, books, baby loot, candles and beauty products are some of the non-edible goodies to be tempted by. AWESOME. Right? I know. You're welcome.

On to other adventures. Or mis-adventures, as the case may be. I'm officially Twitter'd. Don't worry, mom, it means nothing to you. And it doesn't mean anything bad.

Zach continues the army crawl. It's thoroughly entertaining to watch and a little painful. It takes MOUNTAINS of effort to move a foot, but by golly he does it. And he's tickled pink by it, too.

This totally cracked me up.

If I eat bell pepper slices w/Lite Sour Cream Ranch Dip & a Lean Cuisine for lunch is the good negated by the fact that I have a smallish plate of nachos as a snack later? Don't answer that. And don't get on me about the amount of sodium in the Lean Cuisine. What-Ev.

Have you ever asked a question about something and then been roped/duped/snookered into being a major player in it? As is...when's the next Bingo night? And the response is "OMG, I've totally been thinking about that and I think we should have it here, spend this, get this and we can split the cost....sound good?" Uh...No. I need to buy diapers and FOOD for my FAMILY. And I don't play bingo. Was that cryptic enough? Thought so.

I started to crochet Zach another blanket. At the rate I'm going I'll be done with it by the time he's 12. JUST when a boy needs a soft blanket his mommy made him, no?

You would think Blogger spell check would recognize "OMG" as a word by now.

I suppose I should go do something productive now. Does watching Tyler Florence count? MMmmmm...

It's Your Lucky Day!

**********Giveaway is closed! I'll announce the winner later today!*********

How excited are you? I'm taking part in my first GIVEAWAY as part of the Bloggy Giveaways Carnival!

Now you, yes YOU, have the opportunity to be the proud owner of one of these beautiful, handmade (by ME!) Swarovski Crystal bracelets!

The Rules:

1) Leave ONE comment on THIS post letting me know how gorgeous they all are which one you'd like to take home. (Multiple comments will be deleted)

2) Anyone can enter. Friends, family, AM2B Regulars, Lurkers and newbies alike!

3) Contest will close at 3:00pm Pacific Time on Sunday, April 27th. At which time a random winner will be drawn.

4) Make sure to leave your email, webpage or other contact information so I can get a hold of you! If you'd prefer to check back here at the close of the contest, you have until Tuesday to let me know your name & shipping address or I will choose another winner.

5) Winner will be announced by 5:00pm on Sunday, April 27th!

Easy enough, right? Now go here for over 700 other giveaways!

If My Children Had Been Born in Compton

Remember that post a few months ago (how could you NOT?)...the one where I was all "Oh no! Life as I know it is OVER! I'll have to actually WATCH my children and won't be able to leave Zach on the bed or the couch unsupervised (not that I EVER did that before, mind you) again!"

Well...I officially eat my words. NOW, life as I know it is over. I put Zach down on the floor at the shop yesterday and he immediately rolled to his belly and lifted himself up off the floor onto his KNEES! As in, "Watch out Suckas, I'm about ready to crawl all up in this joint."

"Watch Out Foo'. I'm about to put a cap in yo' ass"

Throughout the day, this newfound technique progressed to a very crude and rudimentary, but nonetheless efficient, army-type crawl. This new "crawling" has led to quite a few predicatments. Much like the one pictured here:

"How do you like me now?"

"Just try to get me outta here, Bizzy. Just TRY."

And has led to many instances which have led Dylan to proclaim "Uh Oh Mommy! Zach has my ____!" (Insert train tracks, thing, cup, etc.) And, which has led Dylan to make many a face akin to this one:

"Stay outta my shit, homey, or things is gonna get UGLY up in here"

But without the smile. Picture this face, but VERY RED and VERY, VERY Angry. Menacing even.

Make Me Laugh Monday 4.21.08

It's Monday! Are you excited? Are you? Are you?

If you're in public, or at work, I suggest turning the volume down...WAY down. But not too far because you need to HEAR what's going on. Which means, Grandmaother, YOU need to turn the volume UP.

Go visit Absolutely Bananas for more MMLM! I'll see you back here tomorrow, same blog time, same blog place.

Weekly Winners 4.20.08

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The Church of Meghan

Dear Pope Benedict:

I take MUCH issue with MANY of your church's beliefs and stances. But today we're not going to talk about that.

Today, I would like to express to you my agreement with one thing, and one thing only:

Yankee Stadium is a sacred place.

Amen.

The BIG Day

Today is our wedding anniversary. Aww...I know. So, I bring you some photos from the big day. I am fortunate enough to have a good buddy who is quite possibly the world's best photographer. Really. He is*. His name is Jensen Sutta and he's cute as a button. Really. He is. Check out his site. I'm on there. I'm famous*. Really. I am.


ANYWAY...here are the photos from our wedding day in Cambria, quite possibly the most beautiful place on earth. Or, at the very least, it's at the top of the list of the most beautiful places in California. I've added captions where I wanted to provide some extra info, but I did nothing to "fix" them. They don't need fixin.

DJ's sisters are on the outside. That's Quart next to me.

*Jenny, on the right, is 7 months pregnant in this photo*

This is Benji. He's our nephew (Jenny's 1st son). He's 2 1/2 here.

He sucked as a ring bearer, but he's cute, so that makes up for it.

This is me with Quart & Grandmaother

Apparently, I had my arms up in the air a lot.

If I remember correctly (and this was after SEVERAL Margarita's)

I had just told everyone how great I looked.
Drunk, Drunkest & Drunker

Um, isn't he supposed to have his hand on MY ass?
These are my in-laws. It's speech time.

This is my reaction to what my brand new Father-in-law said during his speech.

And I quote: "When I first met Meghan, I was like, 'Eh?'"

I. Kid. You. Not.

This is me, moments later, attempting to stop the tears.

From laughter?

And because I couldn't possibly end on THAT note.


*There's also someone else on Jensen's site, who is completely insane and the mere thought of her makes my skin crawl. But the pictures of her wedding are beautiful, even if she herself is frightful. Someday I'll tell you the story about her. It's a good one. She used to be my boss. Oh! And one of my brides is on there. I planned her wedding at the Resort where I used to work.

*He travels to anywhere in the world, so if you need a photographer for a big event, he's TOTALLY your guy.

Happy Anniversary, DJ! I love you!

Really, I do!