February 21, 2008

I Need To Impress, So I'll Tell You What a Poor Mother I Am

People! Holy Shite! The pressure is on! I've been linked to and my most recent post sucked donkey arse.

And linked to by Jennifer at Playgroups Are No Place For Children, no less. Holy Shite! What do I do? What do I DOOOOOOO????? I can't disappoint.

Hey, wait a minute...at first I thought she was trying to make it up to me for stealing my pretend boyfriend, but I'm beginning to think she's just trying to stick it to me even harder. Seriously? What could I have possibly done to tick her off enough to steal my pretend boyfriend AND stress me out unnecessarily? Is it because I sided with Tate that one time? That just took me FOREVER to find. Is she still mad about that and trying to get back at me?

Or, does she just appreciate my wry, self-depricating sense of humor. It's probably that. Right?

Either way, here's what I was going to share with you today. I'm trying to dazzle you with my amazingly shitty parenting skills.
I was planning on telling you all, as I shared with Jennifer H over at Thursday Drive, that I am NOT going to win any Mommy of the Year Awards any time soon.

For the past few months (MONTHS people, months!) Dylan has been driving us CRAZY with this new found terror of power tools and any other device that makes any sort of noise. He screams, he cries, he runs away in terror. Most importantly, he covers his ears. We didn't think much of it, since covering his ears is his way of "hiding." When strangers talk to him, or he thinks he's in trouble, he covers his ears. We have no idea where this came from. But, we figured his newly developed imagination had led him to believe that noisy things were somehow dangerous and it would be in his best interest to stay away from them.

Jump to last week, when we found out he has a DOUBLE ear infection. Ouch, right? Probably painful. Shove some antibiotics down his throat and guess what? He's not terrified of noises anymore. He covers his ears when he's anticipating them, but then he takes his hands away. No more terror. No more tears and running away.

OMG, people. It was his EARS! He wasn't just being a pain in the ass, he HAD a pain in the ass, or ear drum, as the case may be. How long could this have been going on? It's been MONTHS that he's been super sensitive to noises, but it NEVER occurred to me it was because his ears HURT him.

If you feel the need to call Child Protective Services on me, please just give me a heads up so I can get the matches away from Zach before they show up. I'd appreciate it.

And now, a cute baby picture to show you that at least ONE of my children is happy and content and well cared for.


HRH said...

hahaha. That was totally witty and will win the Playgroups readers over instantly. When you are super famous, please don't forget us who read you from the beginning...

Quart said...

That TV boyfriend thing from "playgroups" is so fun. Mine was Chuck from "Chuck." I don't watch it, but I may have to start! Was Jim your ACTUAL boyfriend after the quiz or did you just pick him for yourself??

jennifer h said...

It's so hard to know if something's wrong, though, when they can't tell you. Glad to know that Dylan is on the mend (and you, too?). Don't worry, the committee has been holding back my Mommy of the Year award, too.

(Thanks for putting my link in!)

Z said...

Hm, at least you now know what to look for with Dylan?

And - yes, Zach might jsut be the cutest baby EVER!!!

Cathy said...

What a cutie!
I totally understand the pressure from playgroupie. You responded well.

MommyTime said...

This is a totally hilarious post. Anyone jumping over here from elsewhere will fall in love instantly. Also -- Bumbo = so cool! A product I didn't know existed when son was born and couldn't have lived without during daughter's infant months.

(I got here from BlogHoppers originally...)