January 20, 2008

A New Week, A New Reason to Run, Screaming, To the Hills

**Updated at 10:57am to have pictures of vicious killing machines, not links that don't work, oh, and to correct how I spell vicious. I spell good uzualy.**

Hi! I'm back. I know you missed me terribly. TERRIBLY. It was hard for you, I'm sure, and I apologize. I actually LEFT my computer at HOME (on purpose!) when we went to Palm Springs. I know! Crazy. It was probably a good thing because, given my new found kid freedom, I made the poor decision to drink EXCESSIVE amounts of alcohol on Thursday night. Who KNOWS what I would have blogged about had I had the opportunity. Drunk Dialing would have had nothing on me! You all would have been in for a real treat, I'm sure. Unfortunately for you, I was without internet access, and more importantly, a computer, so there was no drunk blogging. Maybe I can convince GP to take the kids again one of these nights and I can stay home and get sloppy and blog. Keep your fingers crossed!

I've actually been back since Friday night, but yesterday was such a busy day that I decided I'd extend my "Blog Vacation" a few extra hours. For recluse home bodies, we've had a busy few weeks. Two baby showers and a birthday party. I had to pry Dylan, practically kicking and totally screaming, away from a party yesterday. There was a HUGE bounce house and all sorts of cool boy toys that he doesn't have, so he was in heaven. It totally inspired me for his upcoming Birthday party. I have big plans. BIG. PLANS. And, you're all invited. So, start planning your trip now. It's March 15th (it's written on my PW Calendar, in ink), and direct flights into Santa Barbara airport are even available from SOME cities. Not many, but you can always connect. We know how easy that is to do with children.

Oh, and when we got back we got GREAT news! GREAT news. Our neighbors were ROBBED! ROBBED! Our NEIGHBORS! The people TWO DOORS DOWN. OMG. I need ADT, okay, maybe not ADT, but some sort of other home security company. As if I didn't have enough to be nervous about already. My quiet, peaceful, SAFE neighborhood is no more. What is this world coming to? If I would allow DJ to have a gun in the house I'd be sleeping with the damn thing under MY pillow. You know, so that when Dylan crawls into bed with me he can accidentally discharge it and shoot me. That's always fun. So, I'll be signing up shortly for a $199.00 installation, $30.00 a month alarm system. Plus we're getting a guard dog. Don't you have a dog? you might ask. Yes, yes I do. And he's huge. He weighs 112 pants and is sure to scare the living day lights out of any MoFo who tries to break into my house. Except for one tiny problem. He's a pansy ass. He'd be more likely to lick the damn burglar to death upon entry than to, oh, I don't know, bark or growl. I'm getting me a trained killing machine. Like a chihuahua or a MinPin. Now those are dogs that will bark and maybe, just maybe, put off a burglar.

Like this one...

Or this one...

Oh, wait. That second one is one I actually want. Crap. Now how can I convince DJ to let me go to Santa Barbara and adopt an adorable 3 month old puppy. Any suggestions? It's for the protection of my family. She looks vicious, right?

Now I must go and scheme my way into getting that puppy. Oh lord, I want that sweet, adorable little girl vicious killing machine. So, start planning your trip here for my Dylan's kick ass party. Plus, you'll be able to meet my new guard dog, Willow. The name just invokes a sense of fear, doesn't it?

Oh, and in case you're totally out of the loop, Pioneer Woman posted another thrilling edition of "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels" on Friday. And, in case you care, I think I'm going to get ambitious and make something for dinner from Pioneer Woman Cooks. Like the lasagna. Is it dinner time yet?

5 comments:

Jodi said...

you NEED that killer dog. you NEED it!

we have a beagle who can seriously make some noise, but is also a pansy ass. if you raise your eyebrows at him he runs the other way.

luckily our mutt can kick some ass...

welcome home.

Christy said...

I can't believe you even want another dog. We have two dogs, and I barely have time to pet either of them.

HRH said...

I missed you terribly. Glad you are back and had a good time.

The thought of Willow terrifies me so good luck with that...

Do I have to bring my children to the big party? I could just come alone or rent some children that are better behaved...maybe local children so I could fly by myself.

Thanks for the heads up on PW.

grandmaother said...

You know me, I think the LAST thing you need is another dog - but Willow's picture even gets to me.
As a guard dog - not so much.

You could always make a recording of Zach's growl - he sounds mean....

And I question discussing vicious dogs and birthday parties in the same blog.....

jennifer said...

Oh that's scary!!!! Beware of those alarm companies!

That dog looks like a great guard dog! Or maybe lap dog.