January 21, 2008

Peeps are Kuh-Razee

Or, maybe it's just me for watching it on TV.

I turned to TLC at 12:17pm today expecting to see another riveting, informative episode of What Not to Wear. Sadly, it was a riveting, not really informative episode of Bringing Home Baby. Of course, I sat here and watched it (Zach was eating, so I wasn't being completely lazy). Then, at 12:30 yet another episode of Bringing Home Baby came on. Uh oh, it's MLK day, which means TLC random show marathon. I sat here and watched that one too. I was trying to dis-entangle something that had been horribly disfigured in the dryer, which, with Dylan's "help" took me almost the full half hour and included a few slips of curse words, one swat at his diapered ass, followed by a few tears and some hugs.

Then 1 o'crazy came. A new series of TLC shows called, wait for it...Kids by the DOZEN. Yes, you heard correctly, DOZEN. Each episode, and there are four airing in a row, profile different families with 12 or MORE kids. And NONE of the episodes focus on that crazy nice family with, like 32 children. Who are they? Oh yes, Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar. Nope, not about them. There are, apparently, more people out there who reproduce without stopping. The first family was, shall we say, a little strange. They seemed nice enough, they drive a re-conditioned school bus around Colorado and their oldest daughter, GASP!, doesn't speak to them. Huh. Oh, and the best part was that they were throwing one HUGE birthday party for all the kids. They spent $130.00 on food for the 150 people coming to their party. I kid you not. That's just the ALCOHOL bill for my parties. (Remember, mark your calendars for March 15th.)

The second family, currently being profiled, seem like nice, normal people. Apparently mom & dad like to, you know, Boom Chika Bow Wow and don't, apparently, believe much in birth control. Anyhoo, the basis of their story is that their oldest, at 18, is presently getting ready to leave for college. Mom's bummed, cause, how, HOW will she keep herself busy with only 11 children at home? Oddly enough, the oldest kid seems like the nicest, most thoughtful 18 year old kid I've ever seen. A BOY. EIGHTEEN. With 11 younger siblings, thoughtful and nice. Wow. I might have to track down his parents and ask them how they did it. Not the 12 kids part, cause NO THANK YOU, but the whole raising thoughtful, nice boys part.

Especially today. Cause mine? Not so thoughtful or nice. I've been yelled at, grunted at, cried at, pointed at, frowned at and pretty much boo-hoo'd at. It's been a real treat. In an effort to, I think, keep me from giving them up for adoption, Zach decided that today would be the day that he'd get all cuddly. You know, not "I'm a baby and I'm cuddly by nature" cuddly, but, "I'm 5 months old now, aware of my surroundings, I LURVE my mommy and I'm tired, so I'm going to cuddle my head into her shoulder" cuddly. Oh Good God, I totally melted. It was so sweet. That made me decide to keep Dylan around. Cause, you know, he was like that once too. And Zach enjoys his company. So do I, sometimes, I guess.

Dylan just came out from his "nap" which consisted of playing with his trains and the dog. Hmmm...what's that smell? Oh. Nap time consisted of pooping WHILE playing with his trains.

Me: Dylan, did you poop?
Dylan: No, don't touch me. Don't touch that, it's mine.
Me: Don't touch what? What's yours?
Dylan: My poop. It's mine. Don't touch my diaper. (Yelling Now) DON'T TOUCH MY DIAPER. I'm going to dump this out. Proceeds to dump out entire basket of Mega Bloks.

Lesson: People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I'm just as Kuh-razee as the rest of em, I just don't have 12 kids to prove it.


Anonymous said...

wow, sounds like a long day... maybe you should use some of that party-alcohol money to treat yourself tonight :) ... (side note: $130 for 150 people?!?! what were they feeding them???)

HRH said...

I am expecting your Friday recipe to be the $130 menu featured on the informative TLC show. I hate it when they pre-empt WNTW...but isn't 10 years younger on over noon...or am I getting my time zones messed up? I did see one of those dozen episodes where the mom and dad couldn't keep their hands off of one another...hmmmm...they had like 15 kids....hmmmm...then they were all surprised and horrified when their oldest daughter broke the news she was pregnant (without marriage)...hmmmm...but during the whole show they kept on making out and touching each other...oh, and the first few kids were out of wedlock, but then they got married...you should really let them know about the glass house thing. I am now working toward leaving the longest message ever in Blogger history...stop me now! Oh, no, I have more. Love the poop story. The possessiveness over poop is a new one on me. Lucky you to experience something I haven't with THREE boys. I will have to say maybe you should rethink procreating another 10 times. Anyway, oh I better go actually raise my children instead of blog about them...

Angie said...

I would just like to TRY to have 12 kids - knowing that I can't have children - but I like the TRYING part anyway!
(PS My mom is one of 11 and Brian's mom is one 12 - we love the big family, but wouldn't want to parent the big family)

Lauri said...

I am cracking up right now, because except for a 2 hour stint of "The Devil Wears Prada" my friend and I watched your same tv schedule with our 6 kids (3 in her family, 3 in mine) totally running rampant for their day out of school! The family with the 16 kids cracked me up talking about their "marriage problems" (who wouldn't have those) and had to turn it off before I got to learn anything about the amish-like family.
AND...where do these families find all the school busses ... and how do they know how to turn them into "homes on wheels"???

Christy said...

I seen the episode with the 18 year old going off to college. If I was his mother, I think I would be doing back flips instead of pouting. 12 kids is just freaking INSANE.

A Mom Two Boys said...

HRH-definitely an award winner comment. And I know..my kid is coming up with the craziest reasons for not using the potty. I'm sure we'll come up with a lot more you haven't seen, at the rate we're going!

Angie- Gad Zooks! Those are big families! I'm sure your family & Brian's are not nearly as nuts as the first family I saw on TV. At least I hope so! Oh, I LOVED the second family. I want them to adopt me. Just kidding, mom! Or maybe I can get them to adopt Dylan on the days he's driving me nuts. Now THERE's an idea!

Lauri- Re-furbing a school bus could totally be a new show on DIY or HGTV. Let's talk and maybe we can put a pitch together for the networks. How LA do I sound right now?!

A Mom Two Boys said...

Christy~ I totally agree, sista. But wasn't he a cute kid?! 12 is crazy, but only because we're just trying to get by with 2! Can you imagine being able to keep all 12 clothed, fed, washed...oy! I have a headache just thinking about how organized I'd have to be!

JCK said...

Just the thought of more than 2 children makes me get the shakes. 12 or over! Well, that's an excuse to start drinking Jack Daniels in the afternoon with a morning shot.

Just catching up. The usual lunacy of 2 children, count them 2, keeping me away. ;)

Jodi said...

i'm so glad i only have two. it is more than i can keep track of...