The Answer is ...NONE

Before any of you ask, after reading the followinig post-

NO, I have not been drinking.

Carry on.

If A House Is Clean and There's No One Around To See It...

Is it really clean?

I cleaned. I freaking cleaned. Actually, in the end I just ended up putting piles of sh*t into my bedroom and shutting the door. But, the REST of my house looks awesome. A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

At least it did, before 6 pre-schoolers and their mothers descended upon my happy home for playgroup. It still looks good, don't get me wrong. Much better than it did, oh, a week ago, three days ago, even yesterday. It will just take a little more dedication to get it back to what it looked like at 9:59 this morning. Which is the moment I was done cleaning and, conveniently, one minute before the group started.

Now, my bedroom? That's another story, and always has been. It's my graveyard, so to speak. It's where I put stuff when I have no other place to put it. It's full of old maternity clothes, Dylan's books, Zach's Co-Sleeper (which he doesn't use, but I refuse to put away because I know as soon as I do, he'll get sick and I'll spend 45 minutes trying to figure out how to put the damn thing back together all the while he'll be sick and crying and DJ will be gagging and crying and I'll be cursing and frustrated and Dylan will wake up and the dog will come in and bug me...and do you see why I'm afraid to put it away?), my clothes, DJ's clothes, etc. It's my nemesis. It mocks me. It hates me. Especially right now. Especially since Dylan went in there after everyone left and dumped his Lincoln Logs out all over the only available floor space. It's my next big project, but I can't bring myself to even THINK about tackling that right now. So, I'm going to continue catching up on the most addictive show ever (save Lost, which, after tonight, will probably take the top spot again), October Road (did you just groan?) and tell you all about the exciting things going on in my life.

1) I made a yummy dinner last night. AND, it was from Cooking Light. There you go. Two of my new "things." Cooking every most nights and TRYING to make it healthy. Have no fear, it will be a Friday Recipe in the near future.
2) Dylan is doing really well with the whole potty thing. He protests having to use it - "No, I don't WANT to use the potty" all whiny and annoying- and then he pees, and he's all proud of himself. It's cute. No accidents for the past two days and we've even made trips out of the house. Poop? That's another story.
3) Is it weird that Armand Assante is on October Road? Isn't that a little, I don't know, beneath him? Strange.
4) I thought of the BEST blog post title EVER, but I can't remember it. Do any of you know what it was? It was clever, witty, funny, just generally awesome, much like me. Gah! It's driving me crazy, much like me.
5) When I cleaned off the kitchen table last night, Dylan was all "Why's it clean, Mommy? Why's it so clean & shiny?" How sad is that? He doesn't even know what having a cleaned off dining room table is all about. On the off nights that we do eat at it, I generally just shove aside all the crap to make enough room for us to sit at it. That's depressing to admit, but I'm going to leave it here as a way of forcing myself to keep it clean. You people will hold me to it, right? Just like "Shine your sink" it will be "Clean & shine your table." I might be on to something.
6) Because apparently some of you (Cha? Gasp! Huh? HOW is this possible?!) don't know who John Krasinski is. I can't understand it, but, in my ongoing effort to make the world a better place, I will introduce you to him. Adorable, funny, awesome him. Although, admittedly, I really like him because of his character on The Office, but I've seen him on Ellen and he's adorable in real life as well.
7) Hawaiian Bubble Bread does not, unfortunately, taste as awesome as it sounds. Actually, now that I say it, it doesn't sound all that good, does it? That should have been my first clue.
8) AMomTwoBoys BEST EVER LASAGNA does, fortunately, taste as good as it sounds. Just wait until tomorrow when I will grace you with the recipe. You're going to want to run right out to the store for the ingredients. It'll be worth it. It's. That. Good. You're welcome. In advance.
9) I'm trying to figure out what else to type here because I want to rival this post on being the longest most non-sensical post ever. But, Dylan's insisting on watching Dora and there's only so much Dora a girl can take. I think I'll try to go tackle my room. Wish me luck. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, send in search teams.

My List(s) & A Few Recaps

A few weeks ago, Y, she of Joy Unexpected, wrote a post where she put certain people/things On Notice. I liked it, and I'm going to copy it. So, without further ado, here is a rundown of people on...

My List:

Dr. Phil
George W. Bush
Britney Spears (if you don't get your shit together and SHOW UP for a custody hearing, so help me god, I will track you down and DRAG your ass there. I'm pretty sure I can take down that pansy ass you call a friend Sam Lufti. Oh, and while I'm on you, I think you look really pretty with dark brown hair.)
Fred Phelps (I know, I just can't let it go)
Zach, for acting like he watned to cuddle and then spitting up DOWN MY SHIRT
John Gibson (In fact, the entire Fox News Team)
Whoever invented Cheese
Whoever invented Dora the Explorer
Whoever invented Caillou
Dylan, for peeing TWO DROPS on the potty, throwing his hands up in the air, proclaiming "I DID IT!" and then getting up and peeing all over the carpet not two minutes later, in effect saying "F-You, Mom."
The Gopher who ate one of my plants last week
*I'm sure there are MANY more, but in an effort to get something productive done today, I'm going to stop there.

The List #2. You know, "The List" that I referred to here. The one from Friends, where you get to pick 5 celebrities that you are allowed to, um, do the deed with, without consequence, if you ever have the opportunity. Ross took Isabella Rosselini off his list because she was too "international" and then she showed up at Central Perk. Remember? That one?

Since I know you've been DYING to find out who my 4 & 5 picks are, here you go:

1) George Clooney
2) Jake Gyllenhaal
3) Clive Owen
4) Johnny Depp
5) John Krasinski

I'm going to have to print it out and get it laminated.

Okay, so that abruptly ends our story. I'm going to go show, get gussied up, drop the kids off somewhere and head to LA.

Just kidding. Kind of.

Now on to the Recaps...

JCK over at Motherscribe took it upon herself to get us caught up on Lost. It's on tomorrow, and it's NEW! That means, for those of you who have forgotten what NEW TV is, it's one that we've NEVER SEEN BEFORE. I know! It's amazing. It's awesome. It's...It's SO EXCITING!

And, since I never link to her and her readership is SO pathetic, I thought I'd let you all know that Pioneer Woman has posted a little, itty bitty re-cap of "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels." She promises to post another thrilling chapter soon.

***

So, there's all that. There's MORE? You ask, eyes wide with anticipation. Yes! There is! I have a bunch of toddlers coming over tomorrow, friends coming over for the Super Bowl on Sunday and a bunch of babies coming over on Tuesday, but I'm going to widdle away my morning here. Sounds like a great plan, right? FlyLady would not be proud.

This was a conversation I had with Dylan at 6:30 yesterday morning.
Not Right Now, I'm Busy from AMomTwoBoys on Vimeo.

And Yes, I know. I nag. Sue me.

I have another video I'd love to share with you, but it contains gratuitous nekkid little b*y scenes (can you imagine if google sent someone here who was searching for THAT? Ew). Okay, so not so much gratuitous, but I'm trying to figure out how to fix it so that you don't have to look at his "peanut" for the 30 seconds it took me to remember he was naked. We're potty training people, and sometimes naked is just easier. Am I right?

I learned something about myself this week. My effort to organize and de-clutter has temporarily caused me to be MORE disorganized. And, I apparently think that baskets are the key to my success. TJ Maxx can thank me later when they do their monthly basket selling assessment. I will have single handedly put them over the top on basket sales. Oh, and socks. There is apparently something that precludes me from throwing out mateless socks. Especially cute little baby sized ones. I had my living room floor COVERED with the damn things this week. It was a disaster. I finally just threw my hands up in the air, said a hail mary (my house was struck by lightning shortly thereafter) and threw them away. In the outside garbage. It was a big step.

And now that I think I've successfully written the longest, most non-sensical post ever, I will be done. I must go shower, clean and grocery shop, which will allow me to successfully host two playgroups and a friendly little get together in the next 5 days. Wish me luck.

Seriously? I've Had Too Much Wine

I admit I have a problem. NO, not that kind of problem, although I have had a few glasses of wine tonight. I use the word "seriously" too much. It's almost like I'm a regular cast member of Grey's Anatomy (seriously, how awesome would that be?). I realized it today when I was commenting on this post. I used the word 327 times. I did. Seriously.

I'm not sure why, but I use it a lot. It might have something to do with my, gasp!, sarcastic nature. As if I need to qualify my statments with "the" word so that people know I'm being "serioius" and not just sarcastic. Wow, that's deep. How much wine have I had tonight?

Why, you ask, have I had excessive amounts of wine? It MAY have something to do with this post. I seriously agreed with her and, in solidarity, poured myself ANOTHER glass of wine while watching the moron President speak. I needed it. The JerkHole Republican DJ and I argued the entire time. Shocking, I know. Anyway, less than one year left. I have my new counter (scroll down...keep going...yeah, there it is!) keeping track. I am planning a party. You're all invited to that one, too. Even if it's another Republican, it will be better than what we've got going on now. I'm just saying. The Simpsons said it perfectly last night. If I can find the clip online somewhere I'll share it with you. Seriously, I will.

Okay. That's enough. It's time for bed, ish.

In Case You Didn't Love Him Enough Already...

George Clooney.

Because this made me love him even more. And I didn't think that was possible.

Stonehenge? Still laughing. He's totally moved up to the top of "My List." Jake Gyllenhaal will move to #2, Clive Owen will move to #3. You'll have to wait to find out who 4 & 5 are.

Oh, and did you SEE Brad & Angelina at the SAG awards? OMG, if it's not J-Lo all over again...I'm just saying.

Really? Is That Comfortable?

Dylan has been falling asleep in some rather peculiar positions lately. What would it be like to be able to take a nap wherever & whenever we wanted? I can't even imagine. Glorious is a word that comes to mind. But, after seeing how he fell asleep this afternoon, I think I've changed my mind. If I fell asleep like that I wouldn't be able to move the next day. My back would be killing me and I'm pretty sure my hands would be completely asleep for a good week. I offer you the photographic evidence, let me know what you think...

He was watching Cars. And wearing "Big Boy" underwear. I know. I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not going to go into detail, but we're working on it. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Cha?! It's My Blog and I'll Feedjit If I Want To...

In response to a few comments on my previous post.

Grandmaother: Too Bad, So Sad. I LIKE the live traffic feed so it's staying. It only keeps track of a few things at a time, and given my LARGE readership, you're information will come and go rather quickly.

A Meme, for you non-seasoned blog people, is like an old school chain letter. You "tag" other bloggers and make them answer a bunch of questions and then they have to "tag" yet more bloggers to do the same. I forgot to say earlier that I choose not to tag anyone else for the meme. Please do it if you want. It's kinda fun to have to go back through your archives.

Quart: I wasn't insulting you. You've stated (ON THIS VERY BLOG) that you've screwed up some recipes before (and must I bring up the tsp. vs. cup of baking soda debacle?). It made other people who read this very blog, feel better about themselves and their cooking abilities. See how I did that? Now I've thrown you both under the bus. You can thank me later.

HRH- I'm not sure how I found you, but I commented on your post about Reid & his blanket because it rang so true to my life. Oh, and I thought about putting the Holiday Dog post in there, but I didn't. So here it is.

The Week In Review & A MeMe or Two...Oh Yeah and A LOT of photos

Okay, really just one MeMe, tagged by two people, June Cleaver Nirvana and Motherscribe. Thanks ladies. No really, thanks.

Here are the rules of the meme: Go back through your archives and post the links to your five favorite blog posts that you’ve written.

But there is a catch:
Link 1 must be about family.
Link 2 must be about friends.
Link 3 must be about yourself, who you are… what you’re all about.
Link 4 must be about something you love.
Link 5 can be anything you choose.

So, here we go.
Link 1, Family- Here's this one. And this goes along with it. Oh, yeah, and this one too.
Link 2, Friends- Here you go. A post about "Friends". Oh, you meant friends, as in people you hang out with, go out to lunch with and invite to parties? I thought you meant the TV show. And this post isnt' really ABOUT "Friends", but it does contain a few well placed quotes/references to/from the show.
Link 3, Me, Me, Me- Things About Me You Didn't Know You Wanted To Know, or something like that.
Link 4, Something I LOVE- I COULD link to something about my children, my husband, or my pets, but I choose this. I love it. I really do. REALLY. You will too, I promise.
Link 5, My Choice- So now I'll talk about my kids. Well one in particular. This is just funny to me. I hope you think so too.

Now, moving on to my week in review, mostly with pictures, because I've been working on this damn post for, like, 5 hours and I've gotten nowhere. Gak!

Because this sums up my feelings perfectly, and saves me the time of typing it all out. Please replace any reference to Texas with California or TX with CA or Texans with Californians. Got it? Good.

My new favorite words:
Spazzazoid
Horridity

Because I had a "FREAK OUT" earlier this week and because I'd like to close the book on the subject with a positive note. JCK of Motherscribe wrote this post about Heath Ledger. It's how he should be remembered.

Now to the pictures:

Do you like See Food?

He east squash now!

Cooking Lasagna, Baking Cake & Drinking Wine

Lasagna simmering...

The finished product...

Proof that Tahoe thinks he's a human baby.

Pioneer Woman's Chocolate Cake.

It really is the best ever.

What my sink looked like after all my cooking...

What it looked like later that same night...

Dylan's akward nap position...

Zach's Beer Belly...

Oh, and the lasagna? It was good, for plain ole' lasagna. BUT, and don't tell Pioneer Woman, it wasn't as good as my favorite lasagna ever. But for that, you'll just have to wait until Friday when it will be the featured recipe. And yes, it does involve cooking skills, to a degree. There's chopping, browning, slicing, shredding, a whole lot of special ingredients, a whole lot of prep time, but, oh, is it worth it in the long run. Trust me. It's special. And, my sister can cook it, which means you can too. I mean you. And you.

Friday Recipe- 1/25/08

Happy Birthday DJ!


For DJ's Birthday, I offer you two of his favorites:

Beer Margarita

Recipe courtesy of Semi Homemade & Sandra Lee

I know...Wha? It sounds kinda gross, but trust me! It's YUM-O, as Rachael Ray would say. So good on a summer's day. Or a rainy, wintery day. Really, anytime.


1 lime, cut into 8 wedges
1/4 cup coarse salt
2 (12-ounce) bottles your favorite beer, chilled (I use Corona, & not the light crap)
1/2 cup frozen concentrate limeade, thawed
1/2 cup chilled tequila
Ice cubes

Rub lime wedges around rims of 4 margarita glasses. Dip rims into salt to coat lightly. In a medium pitcher, combine beer, limeade, and tequila. Fill prepared glasses with ice, then with margarita mixture. Garnish with remaining lime wedges. Serve immediately.

Sugar Cane Skewered Shrimp, Marinated with Lime, Chili and Chives
Recipe Courtesy of Curtis Stone, Take Home Chef on TLC

Disclaimer: I HATE, with a passion, seafood of any kind. My husband does not feel the same way. So, as a gesture of peace & love I made these for our big 4th O'July Bash. They were a hit with the seafood loving crowd. I share them with you now in honor of his birthday. I'm that giving and generous.

Ingredients:
3 limes

2 red jalapeno chilies, finely chopped (about 2 tablespoons)- I used green

½ bunch fresh chives, finely chopped (about 2 tablespoons)

½ teaspoon sea salt

2 tablespoons olive oil

16 uncooked jumbo shrimp (about 1 pound/500 g), peeled and deveined

1 8-inch/200 cm stick of sugar cane

**DUDE, even living in CA I could not easily find sugar cane sticks, so I just used wooden skewers, which I pre-soaked. I'm sure I missed out on the "wow" factor, but who really gives a whoop?

Avocado Lemon and Organic Yogurt Dip (see the recipe that follows)

Method:
Grate the peel from 2 limes into a large bowl. Stir in the, chilies, chives and salt. Add the shrimp and toss to coat. Drizzle the oil over and toss to coat again. Cover and refrigerate at least 20 minutes. Trim the bark from the sugar cane and discard. Cut the remaining sugar cane into 8 splinter-like skewers. Thread 2 shrimp on each skewer. Prepare the barbecue for high heat. Grill the shrimp until just opaque in the center, about 2 minutes per side. Halve the remaining lime and squeeze it over the shrimp on the grill. Transfer the skewers onto a platter and serve with the dip.

Avocado, Lemon and Organic Yogurt Dip

Ingredients:
2 large ripe avocados, peeled and pitted

3 tablespoons/45 ml fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon)

1/2 cup/120 g natural organic yogurt

Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Method:
Using a potato masher, mash the avocados with the lemon juice in a large bowl until smooth and creamy (alternatively a food processor can be used to make this dip extra creamy). Whisk in the yogurt. Season generously to taste with salt and pepper.Transfer to a serving bowl and serve with the shrimp.

In My Effort to Move On...

I'm presently watching (& photographing for your viewing pleasure) the meat & tomato mixture simmer for my Pioneer Woman's Best Ever Lasagna. Oh, hold on to your seats, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Next to the scrumptious looking pot of lasagna fixins' is a LUSCIOUS looking Pioneer Woman's Best Chocolate Cake Ever. OH MY GOD, my panties are in a bunch over this. I can hardly wait to dig in to the cake. Seriously. After the emotional roller coaster of a day I've had, thanks to previously mentioned JackHoles, it's looking like the best thing ever. If only it weren't for DJ's birthday (which is tomorrow) I'd dig into it right now. But I won't, because he should at least be able to eat his cake before any one else has had a crack at it. Right? Oh, but it's HARD!

I'm also getting my "menu" ready for tomorrow's Recipe. Remember when I teased you about the yummy cocktail? Remember? Well, you'll find out what it is tomorrow! I'm also adding a fave recipe, other people's fave, though, because I've never tasted it since the main ingredient is something I LOATHE, from Take Home Chef. How cute is Curtis?

***

Okay, you didn't know I was gone, but I was. And now I'm back after putting Dragon Tales on for Dylan (Yay for TV as a babysitter) and changing Zach's diaper (disgusting, in case you wanted to know) after his hourS long nap.

I'm going to leave you with a few words of wisdom. I know you're excited. I won't keep you in suspense.

1) If you're going to make lasagna the old fashioned way and boil the noodles (WHO does that anymore?), remember to boil the noodles.
2) If you're going to make a chocolate cake and lasagna and you need 4 eggs and you only have 4 eggs, MAKE ABSOLUTE SURE that you don't accidentally let one egg roll off the counter. I'll let you know tomorrow if egg beaters works as a binder in lasagna.
3) If you hear a poop escape your just about asleep 5 month old, change the diaper and risk waking him up. You've been through too many white onesies to waste another one.
4) If it's your husband's birthday and he doesn't like lasagna (I KNOW!? WTF?) and you do, make it anyway. He should still be appreciative of all the effort you put into making it. Plus, make chocolate cake, which he does love, to make up for the entree. It's a win/win situation for you because you get lasagna AND chocolate cake.

Good night, good friends. I'm going to slip into a wine induced coma and dream about gouging Fred Phelps' eyes out with a Bic pen. Oh, did I say I was moving on? Apparently I'm going to need another glass of wine.

Closing The Book on JackHoles

Okay. I'm back. I've taken a deep breath. Actually, I've taken a whole lot of deep breaths and have spent the entire day contemplating my next move. What, exactly, is there left to say?

I decided on this, which is pretty much exactly what my comment was on this post by Autobiography of My Feet.

I can't...I don't...What...Who...I can't...Are people really...Is it...GAH!

I can't come up with a sane, rational, thoughtful, non-expletive laced thing. I can't. It boggles my mind. It throws me into such a confusing, heart pounding, hand shaking RAGE that I can't even come up with a reply. There is nothing to be said to people, like John Gibson or Fred Phelps, because they're ignorant, hateful bastards. I'd like to think, if there is such a place as the Hell that John Phelps believes so fervently Heath Ledger is in, that HE will be the one who is destined to spend eternal damnation there. For spreading such hate. For being such a jacked up a*shole.

I'd like to think, for those of you who believe in God and the pearly gates and the depths of Hell and all that, that your God would prize someone who was a good father, a good citizen, a good, by all accounts, HUMAN BEING, above someone like Fred Phelps. Above someone who spends their time preaching hate. Above someone who lives their life guided by intolerance. But again, maybe that's just me.

And now I'm done. I can't think about it anymore today. I can't spend any more of my time seething and spending my time with my chidren preoccupied and filled with a hate of my own. I'm pouring a glass of wine, and I'm moving on. For now.

And Another Thing..

WTF? My dad just sent out this link. He hasn't even had time to see the post I JUST hit "publish" on.

What is WRONG with people? What is wrong with Fox News? How is it okay to make fun of the fact that a young, talented man died of an apparent ACCIDENTAL drug overdose? How is it okay to make fun of the fact that ANYONE died of any type of drug overdose? Because he played a gay cowboy in a movie? Is that really so threatening to John Gibson that he has to mock his death?

I can't even write anymore. It makes me sick. Seriously, very, very sad that this is what our society has come to.

I Swear This Isn't A Political Post...if you don't read between the lines...

Grandmaother just told me about this story that was in her local paper. That woman deserves some sort of award. Some sort of BIG award. Some sort of AWESOME award.

It drives me nuts that we live in a society that prides itself on our "FREEDOMS" but punishes people who are not of the "norm." Punished because they practice a religion that doesn't focus on "our" God. Punished because they have the AUDACITY to love someone of the same sex. Punished because they make a difficult decision to end a pregnancy.

The beauty of America is that we can be who we want to be. America was founded by people who were escaping religious persecution. Leaving behind a country, an entire continent, because they weren't completely free to live life as they wanted.

This is from the Library of Congress:

Many of the British North American colonies that eventually formed the United States of America were settled in the seventeenth century by men and women, who, in the face of European persecution, refused to compromise passionately held religious convictions and fled Europe.

I get that they came here to escape what they were being forced to believe in. To forge a new society where they were free to worship, and live, as they wished. It seems to me, though, that in the past 225 or so years, that vision has gotten completely, pardon the language, fucked up. We've ended up with a society where you're celebrated if you fit in with the majority of people's beliefs, but you're persecuted (there's that word again) if you don't live your life by their standards. How does THAT work with what our country was founded on? Seems pretty damn hypocritical to me. And that's not what I want my country to be about.

This is from, I hope I don't have to tell you, the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Created Equal. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Shouldn't we, as Americans and human beings, "refuse to compromise passionately...held convictions" and live our lives to follow the first few sentences of the Declaration of Independence? I'm sorry, but the YA-hoo's from the article above are much more dangerous to the belief's America was built on than two men who want to have sex with each other. But maybe that's just me.

Friday's Recipe Teaser

Speaking of Food TV- Simply Homemade was just on. Her cocktail totally reminded me of my FAVORITE cocktail that she's ever made. It's yummy. It's inventive. It's not something that sounds good, but OH DAMN is it GOOD. DADGUM GOOD as the Pioneer Woman would say.

You're curious now, aren't you? Well, you'll have to wait. Until Friday.

A Simple Mathematical Equation

Rain + Cold + Lack of Sun = A VERY lazy Meghan & Children still in their pajamas at 12:40pm.

Or, to be totally honest, BACK in their pajamas after a bath. So, I haven't been totally unproductive today. And, we have all the phones at the shop transferred to our house so we don't miss any service calls. Can you believe how many people's heaters miraculously go out when we get a cold & rainy snap? Or how many people expect us DJ to go to their house IN THE RAIN & THUNDER & LIGHTNING to look at their leaking gutters. As if we're going to send our guys right over with METAL ladders to repair it. So their porch doesn't have standing water. In the torrential downpour. Duh. **Torrential totally looks like it's spelled wrong, but spell check isn't highlighting it, so I guess it's right. Like I've said before, I spell good uzualy**

Which brings me to another point...if you were to call an HVAC company would you expect the woman answering the phone to be sitting on her couch, eating nachos (yummy), watching Food TV and breastfeeding? Probably not. But that's what our customers are getting today. If they only knew. Shhh...don't tell them.

Things I've Accomplished So Far Today...

1. Fed Zach three times. 12:44am, 4:45am and 7:45am
2. Wiped Dylan's nose 437 times. Approximately.
3. Made 3 cups of coffee. Two for me, one for DJ.
4. Played "Musical Baby" by moving Zach between 4 different seats/toys/swings.
5. Made 1 1/2 PB&J sandwiches. One for me, 1/2 for Dylan.
6. Made 1 cup of Chocolate Milk. For Dylan.
7. Watched The Weather Channel "Local on the 8's" 437 times. Approximately.
8. Looked out the window, to watch the SCADS of rain falling, 438 times. Approximately.
9. Watched two episodes of "A Baby Story" on TLC
10. Made a grocery list. Now I just have to remember to take it with me.
11. Helped Dylan put together 2 puzzles. Two times each.
12. Picked up 2 puzzles.
13. Read & commented on 439 blogs. Approximately.
14. Yelled at Tahoe 893 times. For real.
15. **OOPS**UPDATED TO ADD:** Changed three diapers. Two pee, One Poop. In case you were wondering. **Just so you don't think I'm a neglectful mommy. I did change their diapers**

Shower, brush teeth, shave legs, etc. are sadly missing from this list. I must go do that now.

It's A...

Ghirl! No, that's not right. It's a Gurl! No, not that either...Um...how's it spelled again? Oh, GIRL!

My sister is having a GIRL! A what? A girl! Apparently they're what you can have that's not a boy and doesn't come equipped with a penis. Who knew?! I think you buy them pink, purple and flowery clothes. And you have to WIPE them a certain way, to avoid all their GIRLY parts. We've got a lot to learn. A. LOT. TO. LEARN.

BUT WE'RE VERY EXCITED!!!!

Just Coincidentally

This is an article that Grandmaother just sent to me, with the above title as her comment.

Ha Ha Ha Ha HA! Not really funny, because that poor child was probably scared out of his pants. I want to give him a hug. Plus, I sometimes obsessively (I know this is hard for you to believe) check the rear view mirror to make sure Zach is in the car with me. He doesn's make much noise, certainly not nearly as much as Dylan, so I'm always worried that I left him in the Target parking lot. And I only have 2 kids.

And, to Autobiography of My Feet - in regards to your comment on my post below...I TOTALLY had the same thought. Seriously. I was going to put it in there, but then I figured that I'll definitely need my entire $130.00 alcohol budget for my Dylan's party, so I think I'll just treat myself to some of the good stuff tonight. Oh, and thanks again for your awesome, even though you didn't think so, pictures from yesterday. I can't stop looking at them. They's so purdy.

Peeps are Kuh-Razee

Or, maybe it's just me for watching it on TV.

I turned to TLC at 12:17pm today expecting to see another riveting, informative episode of What Not to Wear. Sadly, it was a riveting, not really informative episode of Bringing Home Baby. Of course, I sat here and watched it (Zach was eating, so I wasn't being completely lazy). Then, at 12:30 yet another episode of Bringing Home Baby came on. Uh oh, it's MLK day, which means TLC random show marathon. I sat here and watched that one too. I was trying to dis-entangle something that had been horribly disfigured in the dryer, which, with Dylan's "help" took me almost the full half hour and included a few slips of curse words, one swat at his diapered ass, followed by a few tears and some hugs.

Then 1 o'crazy came. A new series of TLC shows called, wait for it...Kids by the DOZEN. Yes, you heard correctly, DOZEN. Each episode, and there are four airing in a row, profile different families with 12 or MORE kids. And NONE of the episodes focus on that crazy nice family with, like 32 children. Who are they? Oh yes, Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar. Nope, not about them. There are, apparently, more people out there who reproduce without stopping. The first family was, shall we say, a little strange. They seemed nice enough, they drive a re-conditioned school bus around Colorado and their oldest daughter, GASP!, doesn't speak to them. Huh. Oh, and the best part was that they were throwing one HUGE birthday party for all the kids. They spent $130.00 on food for the 150 people coming to their party. I kid you not. That's just the ALCOHOL bill for my parties. (Remember, mark your calendars for March 15th.)

The second family, currently being profiled, seem like nice, normal people. Apparently mom & dad like to, you know, Boom Chika Bow Wow and don't, apparently, believe much in birth control. Anyhoo, the basis of their story is that their oldest, at 18, is presently getting ready to leave for college. Mom's bummed, cause, how, HOW will she keep herself busy with only 11 children at home? Oddly enough, the oldest kid seems like the nicest, most thoughtful 18 year old kid I've ever seen. A BOY. EIGHTEEN. With 11 younger siblings, thoughtful and nice. Wow. I might have to track down his parents and ask them how they did it. Not the 12 kids part, cause NO THANK YOU, but the whole raising thoughtful, nice boys part.

Especially today. Cause mine? Not so thoughtful or nice. I've been yelled at, grunted at, cried at, pointed at, frowned at and pretty much boo-hoo'd at. It's been a real treat. In an effort to, I think, keep me from giving them up for adoption, Zach decided that today would be the day that he'd get all cuddly. You know, not "I'm a baby and I'm cuddly by nature" cuddly, but, "I'm 5 months old now, aware of my surroundings, I LURVE my mommy and I'm tired, so I'm going to cuddle my head into her shoulder" cuddly. Oh Good God, I totally melted. It was so sweet. That made me decide to keep Dylan around. Cause, you know, he was like that once too. And Zach enjoys his company. So do I, sometimes, I guess.

***
Dylan just came out from his "nap" which consisted of playing with his trains and the dog. Hmmm...what's that smell? Oh. Nap time consisted of pooping WHILE playing with his trains.

Me: Dylan, did you poop?
Dylan: No, don't touch me. Don't touch that, it's mine.
Me: Don't touch what? What's yours?
Dylan: My poop. It's mine. Don't touch my diaper. (Yelling Now) DON'T TOUCH MY DIAPER. I'm going to dump this out. Proceeds to dump out entire basket of Mega Bloks.

***
Lesson: People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I'm just as Kuh-razee as the rest of em, I just don't have 12 kids to prove it.

Seriously? Can an (Almost!) 3 Year Old Really Be That Bull Headed?

We thought we had totally figured out how to get Dylan to use the potty. We talked it up big time. He was excited! He was thrilled! He couldn't wait to go to "Toys Is Us"! A Thomas Set! For when he goes pee pee & poop on the potty! He talked about it! He brought it up when we hadn't been talking about it, which means he THOUGHT about it. YES! You can have a Thomas Set when you go on the potty! It's worth a GAZILLION Thomas Sets to us!

So, what happened when we got to "Toys Is Us" to pick out the Set? He was thrilled! He was excited! He picked out "this one. I need this one." when he found the pieces he wanted. And then reality hit. This is how it all went down:

DJ: Are you sure, that's the one you want?

Dylan: Yes. I need this one.

DJ: Okay, I'll buy you that one, but you only get to play with it when you go poop on the potty.

Dylan: Looks at toy. Looks at DJ. "Oh. You can put it back. I don't want that one."

DJ: Really, you don't want this one?

Dylan: "No. I don't want it. I don't want that one." Puts it down and picks up another one, after much consideration. "I want this one, Daddy. I need this one."

DJ: That one? That's the one you want. Are you sure?

Dylan: Yes. I want this one.

DJ: Okay, I'll buy you that one, but you can only play with it when you use the potty.

Dylan: Oh...No, I don't want that one. I don't want it. I don't want to (use the potty).

It went on like that for another few minutes. He'd pick another toy out, with much excitement, and then, once he realized that the new toy, like all the others, required use of the potty, he'd put it back and not want it anymore. He never even got upset. He didn't complain or whine. He just pretty much said "Eff this, mom & dad- I don't want to use the freakin potty and there's NOTHING you can do to change my mind. Suck it."

So, we're back to waiting patiently for him to decide it's time. This could take forever. I have visions of him being 15 and still needing a diaper change. Seriously. It scares me. He's THAT stubborn.

On another note, we were heading to "Home Beepo," his second favorite place after "Toys Is Us," and he was thoroughly entertaining us talking about seeing the fork lifts. Every time he said it it would sound like he was saying "F*ck This" which, ironically, is pretty much what he'd been saying to us the whole time we were at "Toys Is Us." Come to think of it, maybe that IS what he was saying.

A New Week, A New Reason to Run, Screaming, To the Hills

**Updated at 10:57am to have pictures of vicious killing machines, not links that don't work, oh, and to correct how I spell vicious. I spell good uzualy.**

Hi! I'm back. I know you missed me terribly. TERRIBLY. It was hard for you, I'm sure, and I apologize. I actually LEFT my computer at HOME (on purpose!) when we went to Palm Springs. I know! Crazy. It was probably a good thing because, given my new found kid freedom, I made the poor decision to drink EXCESSIVE amounts of alcohol on Thursday night. Who KNOWS what I would have blogged about had I had the opportunity. Drunk Dialing would have had nothing on me! You all would have been in for a real treat, I'm sure. Unfortunately for you, I was without internet access, and more importantly, a computer, so there was no drunk blogging. Maybe I can convince GP to take the kids again one of these nights and I can stay home and get sloppy and blog. Keep your fingers crossed!

I've actually been back since Friday night, but yesterday was such a busy day that I decided I'd extend my "Blog Vacation" a few extra hours. For recluse home bodies, we've had a busy few weeks. Two baby showers and a birthday party. I had to pry Dylan, practically kicking and totally screaming, away from a party yesterday. There was a HUGE bounce house and all sorts of cool boy toys that he doesn't have, so he was in heaven. It totally inspired me for his upcoming Birthday party. I have big plans. BIG. PLANS. And, you're all invited. So, start planning your trip now. It's March 15th (it's written on my PW Calendar, in ink), and direct flights into Santa Barbara airport are even available from SOME cities. Not many, but you can always connect. We know how easy that is to do with children.

Oh, and when we got back we got GREAT news! GREAT news. Our neighbors were ROBBED! ROBBED! Our NEIGHBORS! The people TWO DOORS DOWN. OMG. I need ADT, okay, maybe not ADT, but some sort of other home security company. As if I didn't have enough to be nervous about already. My quiet, peaceful, SAFE neighborhood is no more. What is this world coming to? If I would allow DJ to have a gun in the house I'd be sleeping with the damn thing under MY pillow. You know, so that when Dylan crawls into bed with me he can accidentally discharge it and shoot me. That's always fun. So, I'll be signing up shortly for a $199.00 installation, $30.00 a month alarm system. Plus we're getting a guard dog. Don't you have a dog? you might ask. Yes, yes I do. And he's huge. He weighs 112 pants and is sure to scare the living day lights out of any MoFo who tries to break into my house. Except for one tiny problem. He's a pansy ass. He'd be more likely to lick the damn burglar to death upon entry than to, oh, I don't know, bark or growl. I'm getting me a trained killing machine. Like a chihuahua or a MinPin. Now those are dogs that will bark and maybe, just maybe, put off a burglar.

Like this one...

Or this one...

Oh, wait. That second one is one I actually want. Crap. Now how can I convince DJ to let me go to Santa Barbara and adopt an adorable 3 month old puppy. Any suggestions? It's for the protection of my family. She looks vicious, right?

Now I must go and scheme my way into getting that puppy. Oh lord, I want that sweet, adorable little girl vicious killing machine. So, start planning your trip here for my Dylan's kick ass party. Plus, you'll be able to meet my new guard dog, Willow. The name just invokes a sense of fear, doesn't it?

Oh, and in case you're totally out of the loop, Pioneer Woman posted another thrilling edition of "Black Heels to Tractor Wheels" on Friday. And, in case you care, I think I'm going to get ambitious and make something for dinner from Pioneer Woman Cooks. Like the lasagna. Is it dinner time yet?

We're Off to See the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Palm Springs

We're ready to go! We're packed, the boys are packed, the formula, bottles, blankies, diapers, clothes, clothes and more clothes are ready to go. Except for the last few items that are still in the washer. And all the stuff I have to USE tomorrow, so I can't pack it up until then. Aside from all THAT stuff, we're ready to go. I'm not feeling as optimistic as I was a few sentences ago.

I got Dylan's hair cut today. For those of you not familiar with the saga surrounding Dylan's hair cuts, I will give you some background. The kid didn't even have enough damn hair to warrant a hair cut until he was about 2. Then, it was all cute and curly so I kept it on the "long side of short" so it would be all blond and cute and curly. Every time we'd go to get his hair cut, I'd be specific and say "Just TRIM around the ears & the neck and leave the top, sides and back with some length." Then, they'd CUT his hair so short there was an OBVIOUS lack of curls. BLAK! It drove me nuts. But I kept taking him back to the same place, so I guess it's my fault too.

Anyway, as he's gotten older, he's started losing his yummy, adorable curls. Now it's starting to just look out of control and crazy. Like in this post. Love Sig, hate the hair. SO, I decided to suck it up and have his hair CUT. Like, really CUT. OMG, people, I HATE IT. I'm not even sure I can explain to you the depths of HATE I feel for his hair right now. It looks SO dopey, it's not even funny. It's way too short in the front and, it's just, it's just, I don't even know, I JUST DON'T LIKE IT. DJ thinks it's awesome. Dylan keeps asking "where's my haircut" like it was something we were going to walk out of the store with. Me? I keep saying..."WAAAAAA, what did I do? My baby's adorable, kinda curls are gone! What did I DOOOOO?" Ugh. At least it will grow back. Soon. I. Hope.

This is what he looks like now, all short haired (and stoned?):

And this is what he looked like two nights ago...still all shaggy, curly, unruly haired:

See how peaceful and laid back he was? Now he's gone from being a peaceful, laid back (Almost!) 3 year old to looking like a Wall Street working, Pot Smoking Dope. He just needs a briefcase and a bong and we'll be good to go. Anyone know where I can get a toddler friendly bong? Anyone?

*Disclaimer*

AMomTwoBoys does not, in any way, condone the use of illegal substances for anyone, especially children. Unless it's purpose is to elicit a laugh. In which case, that's totally acceptable.

**End Disclaimer**

Now, if you're still with me, we're off to Palm Springs and our one night of no children. I don't even know if we'll know what to do with ourselves. AHEM. I'm bringing my computer and if I think I can get away with checking in, without causing my hubby to divorce me, I will. If not, I'll see y'all back here on Saturday!

Bon Voyage!

Today's The Day

Today's the Day I get off my ass and actually get moving. Today's the day I actually start following FLYlady's advice instead of just KINDA doing what she says. Today's the day I take control of the chaos in my life. Today's the day I, oh crap, I've got to pack. And get the boys organized for staying at GP's house. So, Saturday's the day I get off my ass and actually get moving. Saturday's the day I actually start following FLYlady's advice instead of just KINDA doing what she says. Saturday's the day I take control fo the chaos in my life. After the baby shower and birthday party we've got to go to. Oh, good lord, THIS is why I am the way I am. There's not enough time in the day.

So, today's the day I get myself set up for SUCCESS on Saturday. Wish me luck. I need it.

Say What? Huh? What In The HELL Is She Talking About Now?

That's what you're going to be thinking if when you get down to the bottom of this very long, very lovely post.

Exciting things are afoot. Very. Exciting. Things.

Like this...my Pioneer Woman 2008 Calendar arrived. Sweet.

Zach took a bottle of formula!, no problemo. This means I have officially taken the first step down the slippery slope of weaning. Not really on purpose, mind you. I'm not actually ready to stop breastfeeding. BUT, it will be nice to be able to bring along a bottle & some formula to feed him in akward sitch-e-a-shuns instead of having to whip one of the girls out. So, again, Sweet.

Dylan went poop on the potty. Oh, wait, Just Kidding, but positive thinking people! That child's poops are getting too big and disgusting for him to be wearing a diaper. He's a stubborn SOB, though, and absolultely, positively REFUSES to use the potty. He also REFUSES to let me change his diaper after he's pooped, so we're totally UP SHIT CREEK. Pun intended. Keep the positive thoughts flowing our direction, and maybe, eventually, in the NEAR future, he'll have graduated to potty use. Maybe. Eventually. Near. Future.

I get to go away this week! Without kids. I'm still not sure about leaving them behind. There are about 1,237 things running through my mind at any given moment. Like, what if Dylan wakes up in the middle of the night, leaves the room he's sleeping in and falls down the stairs. Or worse, what if Dylan makes it down the stairs and unlocks the doors, which he totally knows how to do, and goes outside. In the Cold. Or near the Pond. Oh, Good GAWD, it goes on and on. I REALLY need to let this go. I need to. I know. It's not going to happen. So, back to the fact that I'm going away. To Palm Springs. For Free, which is even better. I'm going to ignore the fact that it's for the Dealer Meeting for the furnaces we sell, and pretend that I get to lounge around in my pj's all day, visit the spa, eat, drink, be merry. There will be plenty of eating & drinking, and hopefully some being merry. Especially since I get to go HERE, my favorite restaurant of all time. If you visit the link, please forgive them for the HEINOUS theme song. I don't know what they're thinking. I'll have to speak to them about that.

What else...let's see. I can't come up with anything. OH, I know. Duh. Fussy wrote a very cute post regarding Pioneer Woman. It's people like this who make me re-think this whole Blog thing. I'm not clever, crafty or PhotoShop savvy enough to do this. Go here to see the post. Then, come back to me and leave me a comment reminding me that I'm clever, crafty and, even though I'm not PhotoShop savvy, you still love me. You love me! You really love me! Also email me for my address if you have an extra copy of "PhotoShop for Dummies" that you'd like to send me. Oh wait, I don't even have PhotoShop. I have Corel Paint Shop Pro Photo. So, email me if you have an extra copy of "Corel Paint Shop Pro Photo for Dummies" you'd like to send me. Thank you.

Here are some photos, sorry that they're a bit blurry, of my first tentative ventures in jewelry making. I have a lot to learn!



When I do get better and start making wads of money, I'll treat myself to a better camera. And to PhotoShop. And to "PhotoShop for Dummies." And I'll hire someone to write this blog for me. And now I'm going to go because, if any of you are left reading, you're going to need a drink. Email me your address and I'll put one in the mail to you ASAP. Cheers!

Could you BE any more annoying?

You know that part in "Dumb & Dumber" where they make the "Most Annoying Sound In the World"?



Zach has come up with his own version.



He does it ALL THE TIME. He's pretty tickled with himself.

Deadliest Toddler

Dylan...

Channeling His Inner Sig Hansen...

Ha Ha! He went from looking like Peter Boyle as a baby to looking like my favorite Crab Fishing Boat Captain on Deadliest Catch. Who will it be next?

SHHH!

It's 7:44am and EVERYONE (me excluded, duh) is still sleeping. Coffee in peace. Catching up on blogs, in peace. Even the dog is leaving me alone!

I think I'm going to go get my 2nd cup of coffee and even have some Bailey's in it this time!

Bliss!

Gak! Where'd I Put My Drill? I NEED My Drill!

OMG, people. I just watched Grey's Anatomy. No time to type. I can't waste time talking to you (I love you, though, I really do!). I've got to find my drill, and screws, and those molly thingies, and straps! Things to attach EVERY PIECE OF FURNITURE in this house to the wall. To the studs. To make sure nothing will fall over on my children. Oh, the horrors.

But first, a few more thoughts:

Derek, What the FRACK? He's all "Oh, Meredith, I LOVE you, You're the love of my life. I want to build a house and have babies with you and look at you all dreamy eyed for the rest of my life" and then the next day he's all "Oh, Rose. Do you want to go out to dinner? Meredith? Meredith who?" WHAT THE FRACK. That's annoying.

Are Erica & Callie going to become Lesbian Lovers? I'm just saying.

And most importantly, what the hell happened to Joe? He was a story line last season (speaking of gay lovers) and he's no where to be seen so far this year. What the Hell?

Dude. Writers Guild, Schmiters Guild. They need me to whip that damn show back into shape.

AAK! I'm off to drill! And screw!

Friday Recipe, 1/11/08

Creamy Parmesan Pasta with Turkey Meatballs


Ingredients
Turkey meatballs:

1/2 pound ground turkey breast
3/4 cup finely chopped onion
3/4 cup fresh breadcrumbs
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 large egg white
Cooking spray


Remaining ingredients:

1/2 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup chopped green onions
1/2 cup whipping cream
1/4 cup (1 ounce) grated fresh Parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons water
5 cups hot cooked fettuccine (about 10 ounces uncooked pasta)

PreparationTo prepare meatballs, combine first 8 ingredients in a bowl. Shape turkey mixture into 20 balls. Place a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray over medium-high heat until hot. Add meatballs; browning on all sides. Remove meatballs from pan.

Add wine and green onions to pan, scraping pan to loosen browned bits; cook 2 minutes. Add whipping cream, cheese, and water; reduce heat to medium, and cook 3 minutes, stirring frequently. Add pasta, and cook 1 minute, tossing to coat. Place pasta on each of 4 plates, and top with meatballs.


**Next time I make this, I'm probably going to try this with frozen turkey meatballs because I think making meatballs is a pain in the ass. I'll just be sure to brown em up real good so I can still use the seasonings from the pan. I also thought that the 1/2 chopped green onions seemed like too much, so I used less. I was wrong. The 1/2 Cup the recipe calls for would have been perfect.

Yield
4 servings (serving size: 1 1/4 cups pasta and 5 meatballs)
writeNutrient();
Nutritional Information
CALORIES 499(27% from fat); FAT 15.1g (sat 8.5g,mono 4.1g,poly 1g); PROTEIN 26.4g; CHOLESTEROL 76mg; CALCIUM 151mg; SODIUM 595mg; FIBER 4.1g; IRON 3.6mg; CARBOHYDRATE 62g
Jill Melton ,
Cooking Light, APRIL 2000

Sniffle, Sniffle

No, that's not a nod to the state of my health, although it could be. I think I've officially coughed up a lung. But don't worry, I'm pretty sure I can live with just one.

It's due to the fact that our beloved pet giraffe, Gemina died. Well, she's not really our PET, per say, but she was the beloved, world famous, "Crooked Neck Giraffe" at our zoo. She was quite an attraction and I noticed when we were there on Tuesday that she was penned up on the side, and she was standing up and resting her head on the top of a wall. It looked odd, but I thought maybe she was just scratching her head. Guess not.

Poor Gemina. She will be missed.

Something That Makes Me Smile

This was the top story on my local news this morning. I love where I live.

My Mood Has Improved, Kinda

I fell much better now. I'm going to try to get back to that "Perky" Meghan I talked about a few weeks ago.

The boys moods have improved drastically, mine is getting there, slowly but surely. The morning was spent with Dylan pushing EVERY button he could possibly think to push.

"Dylan, don't dump out the Lincoln Logs" Response: Dylan opens the box, puts his hand in and swishes it around to make a boat load of noise, all the while looking at me and grinning.

"Dylan, you can not have (another) PopTart" Response: Dylan crinkles the wrapper, looks at me with mischievous grin and says "I'll open it myself" followed by another mischievous grin.

SO, we got out of the house & went to Target and Trader Joe's. If those two things can't improve my mood, then nothing could. Just standing in Trader Joe's and looking at the cheese case was enough to catapult me into happiness. YUM-O.

Then, a few other things helped to pull me out of the "Pit of Despair", they are as follows:

This post reminded me how I SHOULD feel about them.

This post just made me laugh. And laugh, and laugh and laugh. And keep laughing every time I think about it. All the laughing more often than not aggravates the hacking cough that I've developed, but it's well worth it. Well. Worth. It.

Pioneer Woman posted another chapter to her Marlboro Man saga. If one of you would volunteer to babysit the night the movie opens, I'd much appreciate it. You can find it here.

Dylan keeps doing his "Giant Monkey" (aka Gorilla) impression from the zoo yesterday. I'm trying to convince him to let me tape it. In the meantime, take my word for it, it's cute. As is the fact that he calls Gorilla's "Giant Monkeys."

I saw snow today. Real snow. In the mountains in the distance. I did. I swear. It was awesome.

Then, Dylan wanted to hold the baby. And I was really reminded of why I keep them around.

Who Do These Obnoxious Children Belong To?

They're certainly not mine. It's 8:30am, we've been up for 2 1/2 hours and I've been ready to leave them outside WalMart with a "Free to a Good Home, Must Be Placed Together" sign for 2 Hours and 29 minutes.

It all started when Zach woke up, chipper and talkie, in his 5 month old baby kinda way, at 5:45. I retrieved him from his crib, brought him to our room, fed him and got him back to sleep. Noisy, moany, groany sleep, but sleep none the less. Then, at 6:07 Dylan decided to make his way into our room, which would have been fine, until he proclaimed "I need my blankie. Mommy get it." I told him no, and that if he wanted his blanket HE could go get it, to which he responded by SCREAMING and CRYING and WHINING and CARRYING ON. To which I responsed by YELLING "Knock it off, you're going to wake your brother up!" which, in hindsight, probably also contributed to waking Zach up, but I'd prefer to place the blame on Dylan. Anyhoo, my yelling only resulted in more SCREAMING, CRYING, WHINING and CARRYING ON on his part, which is shocking, but true. SO, I got up, picked him up, carried him SCREAMING, CRYING, WHINING and CARRYING ON back to his room, and pretty much tossed him, softly, of course, back into his bed. At which point I picked up his beloved blankie, tossed it on to his head and said "There's your damn blanket, now knock it off and go to sleep." I stormed out of his room, closed the door, and headed back to my own bed. Of course, there was more SCREAMING, CRYING, WHINING and CARRYING ON going on back in his room, but at least he was in his room, which kept him separated from us by two closed doors.

By this time, Zach was fully awake and ready to play, which is exactly the OPPOSITE of the mood I was in at that point. I tried, unsuccessfully, for 10 minutes to get him to stop chatting and take his pacifier, but he was much more interested in giving me his baby take on what had just gone down. I think he was on his brother's side. Little bastard.

I finally decided that a cup of coffee was in order, so I got up, put him in his Magic Swing in the hopes that he would fall asleep, as is usually the case, and got myself my much needed coffee (sans Bailey's, it's Wednesday, people. That's only for the weekend, boo hoo). Dylan joined me shortly thereafter in much better spirits, but still full of piss & vinegar. Zach talked and talked and talked and TALKED in his swing for a full half hour before FINALLY falling asleep. Dylan's on video #4 (Caillou (gag), Baby Einstein (yay), Thomas (eh) and Spongebob (bleh), which means he's been coming to me every 12 seconds (I exaggerate) to have a new DVD put in. I'm more than happy to do it, though, cause that means that he's in his own room and is out of my hair. I'm not going to win any parenting awards today, but at least my children will still be members of this family at the end of the day.

I'm going to shower, head to Trader Joe's and medicate my foul mood with some good TJ's shopping. For those of you without Trader Joe's in your immediate vicinity, I offer my condolences. For those of you without my children in your immediate vicinity today, You Are Welcome. For those of you without me in your immediate vicinity today, You Are Welcome.

Help! Help! I don't know what I'm doing!

Dear Internet People Who Have Been at This Much Longer Than I,

Please, please help me figure out why, suddenly today, my RIGHT hand column decided to place itself in the CENTER of the VERY BOTTOM of the page. I'm trying to avoid "Blogger Help."

Your assisstance is much appreciated as I'm a Blogging Newbie and still have my head up my ass when it comes to such things.

Love,
Meg

She's Trying to Burn the House Down!

Have any of you ever made a kick ass dinner in the crock pot (like, say, Oh, I don't know, Turkey Chili) and turned it to low to keep it warm...and then realized the NEXT EVENING that it was still on low?

No? Okay, good...me...either.

A Poem. I am SO not a poet, and I know it.

What Can I Take
For a Killer Headache

That Won't Attack
My Dear Breastfeeding Zach?

Google...
I Turn to Youggle.

A Guest Blog for the Scrapbooks

I have a Guest Blogger today. Remember the last one? It was witty, clever and funny. Well, this one blows that one out of the water. Sorry, sis. The truth hurts sometimes!

Without further ado,

***

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***

Brilliant! Insightful! HI-larious! Oh, good lord, who IS the author that could possibly write such amazing, moving things?

I love the way he's all intellectual looking. Like he can't be bothered with cleaning the peanut butter off his mouth or brushing his hair because he has IMPORTANT things to jot down before he forgets them. He needs to be sure he can share them with the world, so as to make it a teeny, tiny bit better. Pushing the "buttons" especially the FIVE button is just too important. JUST. TOO. IMPORTANT.

It's Been a Big, Stupendous, Awesome Day

Wow, people. The day I've had. I started out this morning thinking today would be fun, but it turned out to be SO much more than I expected.


My plan for the day included getting ready for this:





But before that could happen, he surprised me with this:

AAKKK! I wasn 't ready for that. He just did it. No practice rolls, no nothin. Just put him down on his belly (on the ottoman, mind you) and away he went. Luckily, I was sitting right here and hadn't put him down and wandered away. Not that I would have done that on purpose, given that he was on the ottoman, but you never know. I am a little absent minded on occasion. So, that was fun. My baby is growing up. Soon enough he'll be crawling around the house and tormenting the dog. Oh, how the days go by so quickly. Oh, and he really enjoyed his Rice cereal experience. He's a champion cereal eater. That's my boy.

**Edited to explain the "Orange Spider" referenced in the above video- I bought Dylan, in the Dollar Bin at Target, a big, sticky orange spider. It's one of those things that sticks to the wall and then slowly crawls down. It's kinda gross. Needless to say, he's completely, utterly, absolutely TERRIFIED of the damn thing. DJ and I found this HIGHLY entertaining and taunted him with it at every opportunity. We did finally start to feel bad, after he started wailing "I want to go to my room. I want to go to bed!", so we pretened that Tahoe ate it, which gave him some sort of peace of mind. He still worries about it, though, and I'm pretty sure if he were to look under our bed and find it he'd die of fright right then and there. Which reminds me, I need to go get that thing out from under our bed.**

Then, my sister called to let me know about this:

I didn't even know! I'd been busy with my new project (I'll put pics up of that when I un-lazy myself, maybe tommorrow?) and hadn't been on the computer for most of the day. So, yay! that's awesome. It was bestowed upon me by JCK over at Motherscribe. Thanks, JCK! That totally topped off my day!

After following some links from Motherscribe, I came upon this, which sums up my feelings perfectly. I don't see why we can't work on teaching our children to be GOOD people without instilling the "Fear of God" (Pun TOTALLY intended) into them. Isn't it more meaningful to be a good person for the sake of being a good person, instead of because you're afraid of the consequences you'll face in the afterlife? Anyway, someone finally put my thoughts into an easy to read, concise list. Yay for that.

Then, I made some kick-ass Crock Pot Turkey Chili. Just wanted to let you know.

And, since I told you about the amazing, super awesome system of tracks that DJ built for Dylan last night, I thought I'd show you some pictures of his handy work:

Please ignore the generaly disarray that is Dylan's room. He's (Almost!) 3, and FLYlady hasn't quite made it to his room yet.

Your Morning Routine Will Change Your Life

What FlyLady says I should have done this morning, according to 1 of 4 emails already in my inbox:

YOUR MORNING ROUTINE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Sunday January 6, 2008

8:00 am - 8:30 am

This event repeats every day.
Notes:
REMINDER: YOUR MORNING ROUTINE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
We are going to build a Morning Routine for your Control Journal or to just post on the refrigerator. Here is what I do.
1. Get up and weigh
2. Shower, get dressed to lace up shoes,fix your hair and face
3. While you are in the bathroom Swish and Swipe
4. Grab a load of laundry and start the washer
5. Check your calendar for today's activities
6. Empty dishwasher to start your day
7. Eat something good for you, take your medicine and vitamins
8. Drink your water.

How it ACTUALLY went down:

1. Get Up. You actually need to OWN a scale to be able to weigh, and who wants to do that anyway?
2. Throw on some socks, re-adjust ponytail
3. Pee (sorry if that's TMI, but come on people)
4. Head to the kitchen for some coffee
5. Get some chocolate milk for Dylan, who has joined me in the kitchen
6. Notice dirty glasses that DJ so kindly placed in the CLEAN sink, but NOT in the dishwasher
7. Drink Coffee. Vitamins are still MIA following our trip to Grandmaother's. I think they're in one of the as yet to be emptied boxes in the garage.
8. Drink more coffee. I left the Bailey's out of it today.
9. Help Dylan with the entire Lincoln Logs set that he dumped out all over the Living Room floor. Where's daddy for this? Oh, still in bed. Bastard.
10. Sit on couch, continue to drink coffee. Check email, read blogs, write my blog.
11. Watch Kipper, because Dylan refuses to keep himself occupied in his own room, with the kick-ass train set DJ built him last night. Pictures to follow. It's pretty freakin' awesome.

No Links, Just Pictures

OH MY. I spent the day picking up/cleaning the kitchen and moving the Kissmas stuff out to the garage. I even hand washed dishes, DRIED them, and PUT THEM AWAY!

Here's what my sink looks like right now.

And my Island.

Wha?! Where is the Meghan you all know and love?! Where has she gone and who is this neat, tidy woman who has replaced her?

Have no fear. This is what the chair in my living room looks like right now.

So that I don't have to leave you with that image, here are some recent shots of the boyz.

Zach has found his tongue. He makes some obscene gestures with it. I might nickname him Gene Simmons.

Oh, and a large assortment of my Swarovski crystals came today. It was quite a lesson in restraint to not widdle away my day making stuff with them. I have refrained and will start that tonight while we watch Superbad. SO. EXCITED.

Janice, Janice?!

OH MY GOD.

My husband thinks I'm insane. He's always thought that, but the more he reads of my Blog the more he thinks I'm losing it. My mom complains that I link to much.

So, to make them both happy, here we go.

I know I said I wouldn't link to her for at least a week, but I have to. It's just too beautiful to take the chance that you might miss it.

Moments after I read this, we heard a suspicious sound at the front door. Then heard heavy boots outside the window. It is, after all, raining and almost 8:00pm here. Who on earth could it be? After looking at each other with much alarm, DJ got up to go take a shower (that's just how alarmed he was) while I quickly pondered all the horrible situations that may be about to befall us. Then I heard the friendly sound of the UPS truck. BEADS??!! I thought and rushed to the door. No, a package from Grandmaother with some random bits and pieces we'd left behind on our recent trip. Maybe tomorrow vis USPS. What are they, Irish?

I just noticed that I'm officially over 1,000 hits. That's got to be some sort of milestone, right? Let's pretend that Google & accidental clickings DON't count for the majority of them, which would make it SEEM as though more than 3 people actually read this on a semi-regular basis. Right on. Now, if I could just figure out how to get the lurkers to comment.

I'm drinking this wine right now. Yum. Sorry, sis. To the rest of you, I highly recommend it.

Okay, I think I'm done. I hope you don't think I'm as crazy/annoying (Janice? Janice!) as DJ seems to think you might. I guess I'll have to remember that "You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance."

Friday's Recipe-1/4/08

That's the first time I've written 08 this year. Fun. Too bad I'm starting it off Half-Assed. I can't come up with a good recipe for today. And, quite frankly, given the nastiness that has been passed around this house in the past week, I'm pretty sure you don't want to eat anything I'd cook anyway.



So, I send you to this. I promise it's the last time I'll link to her for at least a week. I promise.



I think the Lasagna looks good. Or the Cinnamon Rolls. Or the Olive Bread. Or the Marlboro Man's Favorite Sandwich. Or the Pico de Gallo. Or the Chocolate Cake.



There you go. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner & Dessert, but not necessarily in that order.



Bon Appetit

Day O' Boys

I officially declare January 3rd the "Day of the Boy"

As I mentioned here, I was looking forward to becoming a Step-Aunt to three little boys sometime this month. Well, that day arrived today!

My Step-Sister gave birth to her babies this afternoon. At 7 weeks early, they came a bit before they were expected, but they're doing great. The littlest, Clay, is receiving a little help with oxygen, but he's doing awesome. Here they are!

Clay, 3lbs. 2ozs.

Paul, 3lbs. 10 ozs.

Seth, 3 lbs. 12 ozs.

Clay and Seth are identical. If you ask me they all look identical. They come from the family of Damn Cute. I love how Seth is just chillin' out, sitting like a "big boy" as we call it. And how Paul is giving the finger. That's my kinda kid. I'd be pissed if I was him too. And how Clay is the littlest, but he's the only one with his eyes open. He's going to be fiesty. Funny.

Today is also the Day O' Boys because Miss Zoot found out she's expecting a boy. She's due the same day as my sis, so I'm not sure if all this testosterone means we'll be welcoming yet another boy into the family, or if maybe, just maybe, we might actually get a girl. We'll see. That would make a whopping TWO girls in all the extended family members you can come up with. Two. My side & DJ's. Step-siblings & Cousins included. Two. But, it might still just be one girl, if my sister is having a boy, which would bring our boy count up to something like 462. Since I'm starting to confuse myself, I'm going to stop typing now.

Good night.

In Which I ALMOST Share Too Much

I don't really have anything interesting to say today. And, if your first thought after reading that is "Does she really have anything interesting to say EVER?" then you can bite me and stop reading. Good Day to you.

For those of you left, I could regal you with stories of the un-humanly things coming out of my sons (mostly Dylan) and of the many trips we've made to the bathroom after I've heard "Mommy, Wash Me!" in a half crying, mostly whining voice. Luckily I stocked up on 3T-4T Pull-Ups yesterday, or we might be running dangerously low. I am using each event as an opportunity to remind him that if he'd use the potty, he wouldn't need to be "washed" so frequently, but he's not getting it. I'm going to stop now, because I'm sure you don't want to hear about it (don't worry, Grandmaother, you'll get all the gory details in about 10 minutes) and, quite frankly, I don't want to relive it anymore than I have to.

Moving On...

I mentioned FlyLady yesterday. I can't tell from HRH's comment if she signed up after reading about it here, or if she'd already jumped into the abyss that is FlyLady and I just happened to post about it. If it's my fault, I apologize! The amount of emails that freakin' group sends out is INSANE. So, to save you all the time spent deleting, I'll explain it here. Basically, it's a 4,369 step program aimed to get the hopelessly cluttered & unorganized people like me Uncluttered & Organized. DJ laughed when I told him I was going to try it. You're probably laughing right now, too. BUT, the concept is simple, the steps are SLOW & EASY and it's something that I REALLY want to do for myself. You start off cleaning your sink every night and then you slowly move on to bigger and better things, eventually falling into the habit of picking up after yourself (& everyone else in your family) and keeping things neat. I'm going to try it. The problem is that once you sign up for the group, they start sending you an INSANE amount of emails. Little reminder emails (Where are your shoes? Go shine your sink! Do your Nighttime routine! Where's your laundry?) That reminds me, I'll be right back...

...Okay, I'm back. On a side note, that was the first time in I don't know how long that I've put a load of clothes in the washer without poop on them having to unload the dryer, move clothes from the washer to the dryer and then run the washer. There wasn't even a load in the dryer! Maybe FlyLady IS rubbing off on me.

So where was I? Oh yes, the emails. There is an Ungodly amount of email. One of the "steps" is that you're supposed to read them for 2 minutes a day and then delete whatever you haven't read. I've finally figured out that you can get around the emails by simply following the steps on the FlyLady website. There's a day by day list of what you're supposed to do. The emails are just succeeding in cluttering up my Inbox. Ironic, isn't it? Plus, every time I sit down to read them, I see something more interesting and end up doing something completely different. Like catching up on Pioneer Woman's story of how she met her husband.

Which brings me to another point. Pioneer Woman's life should be made into a movie. Seriously. It's a freaking awesome story. It could star Jake Gyllenhaal as a straight cowboy, 'cause he was HOT as a gay cowboy, so imagine how yummy he'd be as a straight man wearing chaps?! I'm just saying. ANYhoo, the story is long, but well worth the read. I likened it to reading a novel, which we all know is not going to happen in my life anytime soon. If you've got the time, sit down, grab a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and start here. But seriously, you need TIME to read it. Kind of like where this post is heading. If and when you ever finish that part, go here for the rest. That will catch you up to where she is at this point (not in life, but in her story telling). Then, when the movie comes out, you'll have me to thank when you can brag to all your friends that you knew that story long before they'd ever seen the first movie trailer. You're welcome.

I just went to check my email so I could share with you the most recent FlyLady update, but, surprisingly, there weren't any. There was, however, an email from a fellow blogger giving me shit for siding with her husband in regards to her recent post. Let me know what you think. I've never heard of it before and I think it sounds completely disgusting. Completely. Almost as disgusting as what's been coming out of my boys. Ha! Like how I tied things up there? Damn, I'm good.

**After re-reading this post before I hit "publish" I realized how many times I used the words "steps" when referencing FlyLady. It brought this to mind:

FlyLady,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things I can,
& the wisdom to delete all your emails before wasting my time reading them.